Reduce, reuse, recycle Anti-joke.com

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's black and blue and red all over? A person who was just in a fight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the child drop it's lollipop? Because they got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why do people discriminate against black people? Because they show an undeserving amount of disrespect towards the rest of the world and why should they get anything better than what they offer.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Rich merchant started build a new bigger home for his family. He bought good blueprints and hired some construction workers to build it up. It took 2 years for the house to finish. Just few days before moving in, he had an horrible nightmare where little green men set the house on fire. When he woke up, he heard the bad news. House was burned down during the night. Merchant was shocked and sad. After couple of weeks, he decided to build a new house. This time a smaller one. Again he bought blueprints and hired people to work for him. Almost a year later, the house was starting to be finished. And again he saw that nightmare of little green men burning the house down. At morning he already knew the news and started to investigate these happenings. Local police officer couldn't help him and so didn't anyone else he asked. Merchant decided to try once more to build new home. This time he had money only for a small farmhouse. Building it up last 6 months, and almost every night merchant was guarding the construction site for little green men. Farmhouse finished in time and merchant moved in. In couple weeks he started to relax and think that little green men stopped harassing him. At one night, couple of months after moving in. Merchant saw the nightmare again, and woke up in burning house. He escaped from the window and saved his wife and children. Then he ran to the village to call for help. The next morning, merchant was sitting next to his burned home and just thinking the motives for green men, what did he do in past so that green men were angry at him? Some villagers had come to watch the burned house and merchant saw something green in middle of the crowd. He slowly walked towards the crowd and saw this little man fleeing. He started to pursue this man and was pumped with adrealine. Didn't last long when merchant catched this little guy and held him in the ground to ask "Who are you? Do you have anything to do with those housefires?" The little green man was calm and relaxed as he answered "No."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man walks into a bar... and watches the Monday Night Football game with his pals.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why do black people always say to the left to the left... because they don't have rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? 1. Discovering your "girlfriend" is a man 2. The Holocaust 3. Being Raped 4. Being Raped by a Giant Scorpion-Panda Hybrid 5. Being Raped by a Giant Scorpion-Panda Hybrid who doesn't wear protection.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the man scream? He got his dick caught. In the zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you kill Michael Jackson? You don't he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

*Random individual accidentally throws a ball toward another person's head while chilling out with friends* *The ball comes into contact with the victim's cranium- causing him much pain, but not serious detriment.* Q: Are you feeling okay? A: No, I'm dizzy and am currently in very bad shape Response after initial inquiry was articulated: "Uhmmmm...Sorry?" Lesson of significance to be learned from this tragic incident: One's developed, habitual reactions to certain occasions/events of particular interest are virtually always practically impossible to completely override with the means of logic when one is experiencing the relevant occurances him/herself personally. One usually finds it inordanitely difficult to free him/herself from one's regular routines.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What a vase and a cheeseburger have in common? It has it's price.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

knock knock whos there? your mother your mother who? ...........what?

thumb_up thumb_down -53

What did Elvis say when he lost his voice? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Yo Mama is so stupid, she was riding her bike down the street when she was distracted and rode off a cliff. Oh crap I am so sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Q: Whats Faster than a bullet A: A Jew chasing coin

thumb_up thumb_down +56

What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? A Jew is a person either born into or converted to Judaism, and a Pizza is a disc shaped, oven baked bread typically topped with tomato sauce and cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Why was the chicken mad? Because he was sick of everyone questioning him even when he crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Knock, knock! “Who's there?” “The Gestapo.”

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a sponge is not a who, it is a what.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

3 jews are walking into a bar. the first jew orders a shot of vodka, drinks it and says "long live my family!" the second jew orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it and says "long live my friends" the third jew orders water, because he is the one that is driving tonight.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops