A man walks around a bar.

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A dog walks into a bar, looks at the bartender, lifts its leg and pisses on a bar stool. What does the bartender do ? He chases the dog out the bar and gets a mop to mop up the piss.

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Three people walk into a bar. Eight people follow them. They all go back to Bob's house, except Anna, Jimmy, and Joe. TImes the amount of people going to Bob's house by four. Thats how many people get arrested at the end of the night. How many people aren't arrested? Do you even know why you read this? Get a life and go to an actual bar, a party and get arrested.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

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What's white and sticky? A white stick.

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Knock Knock "Who's There?" *No answer* The man proceeds to go on with his life

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What do you call a man who leaves his wife and kids to be with another woman? A dick.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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What is green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and onto your head? A pool table.

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Where do farmers retire their used farm equipment? The tree in their backyard.

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Why did the chess grandmaster lose his mind? Because he died of old age.

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Three nuns accidentally walked in to a bar and so they immediately went out.

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what's the difference between natives and dogs? people enjoy having dogs in their houses

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Women's rights.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Being cut in half by a human while you were trying to eat an apple

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Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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What did the White guy say to the Black Guy? "Hey, what's up?"

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Q: What did my uncle Tom say when he first encountered my friend Richard Jefferson? A: Hello

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Why did the one pound coin cross the road? It was stuck up the chickens ass

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How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

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A cow walks into a bar and says, "moo."

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What do the Holocaust and baseball have in common? They are sports, except the Holocaust.

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A Man goes into a watch store. Why? To buy a watch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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