What looks and sounds just like a seagull ? A seagull.

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I went to the store and I fell

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What's brown and smells Iike crap? My brother he doesn't shower and is Hispanic

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Knock knock. Who's there? I just ding dong ditched you.

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What did the muffin say to the other muffin? "Hello, nice to meet you."

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2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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these jokes are terrible, even for anti-jokes

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Where do farmers retire their used farm equipment? The tree in their backyard.

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What is colourful and explodes in the air. I don't know but it sounds cool!

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What's red and spins real fast? Not a dead baby in a blender, babies can't fit in there. Unless of course you dismember them. but that's obsurd. . . Kinda

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Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags? A. So Italians can go window shopping.

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Your momma's so ugly that she was worried that she would never marry anyone.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Oh, um, sorry i forgot the rest...

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A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: Banana! B: Not you again..(slams door)

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What's 6 inches long, held in your hand, and has a round tip? A pencil you pervert.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? John. Oh, hey! Come in.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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What did the black man do with the woman's purse? Safely returned it to her

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A black, a muslim, and a communist walk into a bar, the bartender says "what will it be Mr. President?

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What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Aye, ye be thinkin' it to be "ARRRR" - but it be the C

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What do you call an animal who is purple and feeds on grass? Well his name is Timmy, he is a 6 year old boy and has been diagnosed with a rare deadly disease that turns his skin purple and has removed him so far from reality that he has begin to feed on his front lawn.

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what did luke say to darth vader? Can i borrow ur car please.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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