Q: What is hard and long on a man? A: His wife's funeral

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Whats 9+10? 19

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock knock. Who's there? Your neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

if a black man, a Chinese man, and an Indian were about to jump off the Eiffel tower, who would hit the ground first? who cares?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why could'nt Boris fit in with the other kids? His name was Boris.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what does a jew want most for hanukkah? presents

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the one pound coin cross the road? It was stuck up the chickens ass

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A blonde walks into a library. "PLEASE CAN I HAVE A CHEESEBURGER?!" he shouts at the top of his lungs. "Sir, this is a library," the librarian says. "Oh, sorry," he whispers and goes to McDonald's Two years of the routine and he dies of of heart failure and has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How much does a polar bear weigh? Around a thousand pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, the astronaut, the olympic diver, the mcdonald's employee, and the web designer? Neither did I...

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into a bar said man is escorted out of said bar said man may have died from a serious case of alcohol poisoning whilst in said bar he was escorted as dead people have trouble moving of their own accord experts discovered later that the man had actually been brutaly beaten by another man wielding a bar stool this shows that experts are not very smart

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Jack and Jill go up the hill? To get to their house.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A: Knock knock B: "NOOOO" A: *Comes in, sees masturbating son*

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Jesus

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man walks into a bar and slowly draws a pistol and kills 5 people.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What rhymes with you? You.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Thomas Hobbes had a good life Actually he was born prematurely which caused his mother to die, and his alcohallic father left him at a young age to an abusive older brother sucks to suck Hobbes, at least you were smart

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a group of black men jumping off a building? Chocolate Rain

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red It's 4 in the morning I have full blown aids I'm going to bed now, this is boring

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock, knock. The man knocking finds a note taped to the door saying "we'll be back in a week", the man proceeds to walk back home and tell his wife that they weren't home and that he'll return the rake he borrowed from them next week when they're back.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops