Why did i write this joke knowing i wont get published? I don't know.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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A man walked into a bar. What did he say? Ouch.

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Your mother is so fat.... I am happy to see her join our exercise group.

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Knock Knock Who's There? I am. I am who? I think someone has contracted amnesia.

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Q: What do you call an aligator in a vest A: Investigator

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What's red and spins real fast? Not a dead baby in a blender, babies can't fit in there. Unless of course you dismember them. but that's obsurd. . . Kinda

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What did the girl get for her birthday? Nothing...cause she died

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what did the duck say to the chicken .nothing

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Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

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What did the boy who succsesfully came out of liposection get? Diobeeties.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer was arrested by the ASPCA and PETA for letting the chicken run free near a horribly busy road

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what did luke say to darth vader? Can i borrow ur car please.

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why did the girl smear penut butter on the road. To go with the trafic jam

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how long is a chinese name. how long. yup.

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roses are grey, violets are grey, i dont have any cones, just rods.

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What's white and sticky? A white stick.

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Q: Why MohammadReza Is a Bitch? A: Because he isnt a whore

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wat does T.J.C.S. Mean? leave an comment to answer

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There once was an Asian kid who got a B+ in Math. He was later yelled at and beat by his parents.

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How do wake up Lady Gaga You Poker her face

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Why did the aeroplane engine fallon the house? Because of Donnie Darko

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3 men find a genie lamp on the side of a road, The genie grants them each a wish as they surely deserve. The first man asks for a jet and the genie glady grants him this and the man starts to fly away. The second man says to make a wall around asia and the genie complies. The third man thinks for a minute and finally says fill it with water and as a genie the genie cannot refuse. They all drowned seeing how the jet had no fuel. The genie goes back to sleep and is picked up by an alien 5,000 years in the future, the Earth is destroyed in 7012(as if we didnt already destroy it). The genie survives and currently resides on uranus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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