What did the penguins get for Christmas? A hang-glider What did the polar bears get for Christmas? Death, The Holocaust, Global Warming, and all of Steven King's books.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I love my valentine <3 Hes mine no matter what anyone says <3 Cause i love him with all my heart <3

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Your momma's so ugly that she was worried that she would never marry anyone.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Why did the baby cross the road? cause it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -142

What is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The part where she doesn't have a penis. I know, I know, the no-penis thing looks weird and strange, but hear me out. I think it's kind of cute and quirky. Like, oops, there's something that's supposed to be there, but isn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

how do you stop a baby crying hit it with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Why did the white man accuse the black man of stealing his wallet? Because they were the only two men in the room at the time of the theft

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

lebron

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what did the little girl do after drinking a smoothie? she choked and died a painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I bought a DVD called "the 18 holes of Tiger Woods". It was a fascinating incite into the golfing technique of arguably one of the greatest sportsmen of all time.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he pushes himself up.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock knock Who's there? A friend. But I don't have any friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a turtle and a bird? They both fly. Except the turtle.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you get rid of a boomerang? There are many potential options for getting rid of your boomerang. You can choose to pass it on to somebody as a gift, make a profit through thrift stores or online auctions or perhaps sell it in a newspaper. Alternatively you may wish to simply dispose of it. The average reading speed of an American adult is 300 words per minute. This was exactly 100 words. This means that it took approximately 20 seconds to read it. This means that approximately 4 people died of cancer world wide while you read this.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How much does a polar bear weigh? Around a thousand pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Are you from Tennessee? cuz i wanna makeout with your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mammas so fat she went on a diet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what's funnier than 1 Mecican? 2 Mexicans

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock Knock Who's There? I am. I am who? I think someone has contracted amnesia.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops