What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

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I need somebody to lean on... ...Because one of my legs was amputated after I was blown up on a mine field in afganistan.

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Know what's funny? Jokes.

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What is worse than finding a dead mouse in your loaf of bread? A lot of things since you were able to sue the bread company for tens of thousands of dollars.

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How do you fit 100 ethiopians in a phone box? With great difficulty.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

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What's green and has wheels? A cucumber with wheels.

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How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree? Get a ladder and carry him down.

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Hi

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Yo mammas so fat she went on a diet.

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What's white and sticky? A white stick.

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What is the difference between muffins and cornbread? I don't enjoy sticking cornbread in my anus.

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Do you know what's fun about having sex with twenty-seven year-olds? There are twenty of them.

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A Horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'What with the long face?' and the horse replys 'i'm a f*cking horse.'

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What did the young girl get for Christmas? Violently raped and murdered by her abusive father.

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As a teen girl was walking through the perfume shop, she picked up one called, "Swirly Paradise." She sprayed it on her and sniffed the sweet scent. Suddenly, the world spun around and she suddenly woke up inside an empty bra. A mouse sniffed her and ate her alive.

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What's the difference between an orange? Mooses don't like to wear sweater-vests.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Animal cruelty

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A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: Banana! B: Not you again..(slams door)

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What is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The part where she doesn't have a penis. I know, I know, the no-penis thing looks weird and strange, but hear me out. I think it's kind of cute and quirky. Like, oops, there's something that's supposed to be there, but isn't.

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What's the difference between a prostitute and a cherry red Ferrari? A cherry red Ferrari isn't in my garage.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, most likely, the chicken escaped from a near by ranch or farm. Upon escaping, he may have simply wandered in the direction of the road, and hence crossed it. Or, with chickens having great curiosity, may have been attracted to something on the other side of the road and felt the urge to explore. Depending on the demographics of the area in which road was in, the chicken had different chances of being hit by an automobile. That's why.

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Why Did the baby cross the street? He was stapled to the chicken's back

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops