- Anti Joke

What did the guard say to the... I was going to finish this anti-joke but I took an arrow to the knee.

Did you see that picture of Helen Keller's dad? Yes. She didn't.

Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

Oxygen and magnesium are going out OMG Think science the you might get it If not O oxygen mg magnesium

A dog walks into a bar, looks at the bartender, lifts its leg and pisses on a bar stool. What does the bartender do ? He chases the dog out the bar and gets a mop to mop up the piss.

Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

What do you get when you a bunch of women and men with a high sex drive? A group of men and women with a high sex drive.

Your Mama is so old, that she is probrably going to die pretty soon.

When life throws you lemons, duck because they freakin' hurt.

2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

When you are swimming across the ocean, and you lose your wheels, what's the difference between a duck? ... Because bananas have no bones.

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

Knock Knock Who's There? I am. I am who? I think someone has contracted amnesia.

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

Your mom is so...wonderful.

why did aodhan not play BO2? Aodhan has Cerebral palsy.

What happened when a boy threw a ball at the wall? It hit him in the face

What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

Why did the blonde kid lose the spelling bee? Because she misspelled a word.

My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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