What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

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Why did the girl buy wine? She was hosting a party for four of her closest friends.

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What couldn't the Asian drive? Because he had just gotten laser eye surgery, and the doctor recommended that he didn't drive for a few days.

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Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

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Knock Knock. Martha, get the door I'm watching the game!

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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how long does it take for a black woman to poop? depending on what she ate, about 5 to 10 minutes

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A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a terrorist.

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Q: What is a African man with funny clothing and children straddling onto his back for dear life/ screaming in fear who only a few minutes ago before a particular incident made several young children cry and being chased by an authority figure? A: An intentionally inane circus performer partcipating in a scintillating rendition alongside his two children of who inadvertently frightened a small group of youth before he immediately decided to proceed by, during one of his extremely long, albeit few breaks, taking the members of his family on an interesting excursion to the nearby amusement park for occassional thrills. On the initial journey there, the black man, out of haste, accidentally dropped one of his children's most valuable toys of which elicited undeniably obnoxious bouts of sadness to come bursting out of his children's respective chests and an increased rate-of-travel for his wife of who accopanied him on his adventure and desired to assist him in his panic. In the spin of events, the man experienced an instance of hyper-activedness and spun out of control for a minute before eventually cooling down. Hence the screaming.

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Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

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Knock Knock Who's there? me oh

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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Roses are red It's 4 in the morning I have full blown aids I'm going to bed now, this is boring

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Knock, Knock. Come in.

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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A Woman out of the kitchen

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What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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why did the blond stare at a carton of orange juice for 2 hours? because she was reading the nutrition list, and she is a slow and patient reader.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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