you know what they say... hydrate or die

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what did the hobo do when he saw timmy get hit by the bus and drop his ice cream? stole the ice cream and laughed

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What black and blue and red all over? My mom after my dad comes back from the bar.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

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When life throws you lemons, duck because they freakin' hurt.

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How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What's funnier than House? Family Guy.

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a gun and he'll build you a refrigerator.

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

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What did the Catholic preist say to the altar boy? You've been a good altar boy.

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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Knock Know Who's there Interrupting ghost Interu--BOO!!! Ha HA!

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What's brown and sticky? a stick.

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What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings

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Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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what is worse then stubbing your toe in the dark? -september 11th

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There are 3 type of people in the world. People who can count, and people who can't.

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How do wake up Lady Gaga You Poker her face

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i was molested.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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