There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAA HAHAHAaaa WHYYYYYYYYY!?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q: What do you call an aligator in a vest A: Investigator

thumb_up thumb_down -30

"What's 'green', 'blue', and 'red' all over?" My color-blind friend said in confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

There was a Priest, a Rabbi, and a Gay Man on a plane. The plane was going down. The Priest said "amen". The Rabbi said "amein". The Gay Man put his penis in the rabbi's asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -80

What did the Catholic preist say to the altar boy? You've been a good altar boy.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

thumb_up thumb_down +75

WOMENS RIGHTS

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Three nuns walk into a bar. They realize they are in a place they don't want to be, so they leave, casting furtive glances around, fearing that someone from their congregation will see them and think they went in to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Your mom is so stupid that... She often makes mistakes.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

here's a joke a black man goes in a store and buy something

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Knock Knock! Who's there? Your landlord. I'm here to collect rent

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock Knock. Whos there? Victor. Victor who? Victor Secret, the gay door to door lingerie salesman. Can i interest you in a plastic cup holder?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why was the woman in the kitchen? She was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeline McCann.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock, knock Who's there? Landlord; you've been evicted.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

you: knock knock person: who's there you: interrupting cow person: interrupting cow you:MOOOOOOOOO

thumb_up thumb_down -5

here kitty kitty

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: If I have 13 icecubes, and you have 12 icecubes, how many pancakes can I fit on the roof? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's black and white and red all over? And old fashioned television painted red.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If your yacht is if moving at 50 knots per hour in a wind tunnel how many leprechauns can you fit in a chamber? Even, because purple is attracted to bestiality.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops