What's black without keys. A keyboard after you hit it with a shovel.

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here kitty kitty

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you: knock knock person: who's there you: interrupting cow person: interrupting cow you:MOOOOOOOOO

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Q: What happens when your name is Gretchen Weiner? A: You can never make "fetch" happen.

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Why did lil yazzy watch The Hills at 12:40 in the morning? Because she was casually surfing netflix and clicked on it.

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Why did the girls head explode while eating supper? There was a grenade in her food.

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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penis

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Why did the girl fall off the couch? She had a seizure.

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How many blondes does it take to dye their own hair black and act in an intelligent, sensible manner?

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Knock knock Who's There Doctor Doctor Who? Wrong, it's Dr. Doozer, you have AIDS

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What is the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry Potter escapes the chamber.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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What did the school bully get for his birthday? Beaten by his alcoholic father. Children are a product of their environment and his father's abusive nature towards his son forced the young boy to act out in class giving him the reputation of a bully.

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Q: What happened to the teenage girl and the serial rapist at Denny's around midnight? A: They both ordered the french toast Grand Slam breakfast (at Denny's, its breakfast any time!!).

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Three nuns walk into a bar. They realize they are in a place they don't want to be, so they leave, casting furtive glances around, fearing that someone from their congregation will see them and think they went in to drink.

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Why did the old lady start crying? Because her daughter was raped and killed.

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Knock Knock. Whos there? Victor. Victor who? Victor Secret, the gay door to door lingerie salesman. Can i interest you in a plastic cup holder?

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? She was hungry.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeline McCann.

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who did the strait guy marry? a woman

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The joke above me is a wind-up, losers :P

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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