Duke: Hi Sally: Hello Duke: Nice weather huh? Sally: I couldn't tell ya duke, I'm not a meteorologist.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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whats the hardest part of roller skating. Telling your dad that you are gay.

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i was molested.

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Do you know what's fun about having sex with twenty-seven year-olds? There are twenty of them.

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What's black and white and red all over. An interracial suicide pact.

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Why did the woman keep getting sexually harassed while calling for her lost dog? Her dog is named "Ilovedicks."

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What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Repeatedly raped by her alcoholic, child molesting father.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One

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A man rubs a magic lamp nothing happens

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What happened to the blonde that died her hair brown? Her hair turned brown.

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17

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Two people on a boat, Pete and Repete. Pete fell off and Repete radioed the Coast Guard, who sadly got there just in time to watch him drown to his death.

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What did the man say to the attractive female bartender as he left the bar? Well, it's been fun but I hate you so I'm leaving to kill your entire family.

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What do you call a woman with a penis? A Hermaphrodite.

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how long does it take for a black woman to poop? depending on what she ate, about 5 to 10 minutes

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

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You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, penis.

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My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

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Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

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what's funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume? philanthropy

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pubic lice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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