What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? He said, "Where's my tractor?"

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Q: why did the boy cross the road A: because he was being chased by a pedophile

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I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

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Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

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why was the little girl crying? because her dad hit her.

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Kid 1: "Want a Hurts Doughnut?" Kid 2: "Umm... sure." Kid 1 opens up a box of freshly baked Hurts doughnut from Hurts Bakery and gives one to kid 2

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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What looks and sounds just like a seagull ? A seagull.

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Q: why did Helen Keller's dog kill himself? A: Because he couldn't stand to see his owner suffer through blindness and deafness and being the butt of hundreds of offensive and hurtful jokes.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

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Did you see the picture of Helen Keller's father? No. Lemme Google it. Oh cool; he had a beard.

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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A dog walks into a bar, looks at the bartender, lifts its leg and pisses on a bar stool. What does the bartender do ? He chases the dog out the bar and gets a mop to mop up the piss.

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There was a Mexican in a bomb shop ?

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When life throws you lemons, duck because they freakin' hurt.

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how do you make a joke act like yourself

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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make me a sandwich!

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what did the girl trapped in the fire say? help

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What happens when you throw a cricket bat at a blonde? She is hurt and reports you to the police for anti-social behaviour.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Zebras.

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Q: What do a dildo salesman and a car salesman have in common? A: They are both salesman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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