Knock knock. Who's there? Your neighbor.

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A man walks into a bar. He has three drinks, then he leaves because he realizes he needs to get home because he has to get up early to go to his job in the morning.

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a terrorist -lschles

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why did the chicken cross the road? It is a domestic bird in the wild that is free to go where ever it wants to, that's why

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

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A woman got in her car to drive to work. She kept her hands on the wheel and eyes on the road and was able to avoid any accidents that could have occurred.

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what is worse then stubbing your toe in the dark? -september 11th

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Boom.

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how do you make a joke act like yourself

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Why did Jack and Jill go up the hill? To get to their house.

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Knock knock Who's there? That that that. What makes you say that?

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? He said, "Where's my tractor?"

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What happens when you throw a cricket bat at a blonde? She is hurt and reports you to the police for anti-social behaviour.

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Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

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Q: What do a dildo salesman and a car salesman have in common? A: They are both salesman

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America Votes

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Jon has 40 chololate bars, he eats 32, what does he have now? Diabetes.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Ow, there's an arrow in my knee!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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