why is six afraid of seven? because seven ate nine

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A man walked into a bar. "Ouch"

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A seal walks into a club...

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Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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Wanna hear a joke? Sure. Too bad I don't have one.

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Why was Jim fired from his job at the sperm bank? Continual absenteeism and inconsistent work.

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What did the priest do when he noticed the young boy bent over picking up crayons he had dropped? He helped him pick them up

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

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What did the little crippled boy get for his birthday? He's an orphan so he doesn't know his birthday.

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What's the biggest difference between the East and West Coast? About 3,000 miles.

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I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

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why do black people like to play basketball steal shoot and run

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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What do you call a woman with a penis? A Hermaphrodite.

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What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

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What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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what did micheal jackson give to a young boy? -nothing micheal jackson is dead

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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