How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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if a white guy, a black guy and a hispanic guy jump off a 10 story building, who hits the ground first? the man who jumped first. racist.

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What did the little crippled boy get for his birthday? He's an orphan so he doesn't know his birthday.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms

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What did St. Mary Magdalene tell Pontius Pilate during the crucifixion of Christ? All this chaos is making me CROSS-eyed!

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What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the world series? No Cubs!

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why didnt the chicken cross the road? he did cross the road

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the Batmobile? - "Robin, get in the Batmobile"

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What's a bit smaller than the tallest man in the world? The 2nd tallest man in the world.

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Women's Rights

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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Why was school cancelled? Because the school was bombed.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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What's worse than finding twelve dead babies nailed to a tree? One living baby nailed to twelve trees.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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Let's make like your mother and walk out on your family during pre-adolescence.

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What's funnier than House? Family Guy.

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What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

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Why didn't the dog like baseball? Being a dog, it had no idea or interest in what baseball is.

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How do you get a plumber to cry? Kill his family

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Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

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What kind of animal eats and pisses on everything? Your mother. -Avery Vartanian

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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