- Anti Joke

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

What couldn't the Asian drive? Because he had just gotten laser eye surgery, and the doctor recommended that he didn't drive for a few days.

Roses are der, Violets are lube, I am dyslexic.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the man fall of his bike? He was struck with a falling koala. Why did the fish fall of its bike? Because it's a fish. What is fuzzy and might kill you if it falls on you? A pool table.

America Votes

Knock Know Who's there Interrupting ghost Interu--BOO!!! Ha HA!

What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

Ice cream You scream We all scream Because there is a murderer killing our friends

My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

FIRE!!

Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Someone else's cheese.

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

Why did the chiken cross the road. Anwer: because it was being chased by a crazy horny/ kinky redneck.

I love my valentine <3 Hes mine no matter what anyone says <3 Cause i love him with all my heart <3

a man cries out to god.... and god does't reply.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

Who is a nazi? • Theo Kingdom

Religion

Your mom is so...wonderful.

what do you call skiediving? a very fun but moderatly dangerouse sport that many people have fun doing from the ages of 19 to 31

why did the blond stare at a carton of orange juice for 2 hours? because she was reading the nutrition list, and she is a slow and patient reader.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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