What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? The lighbulb isn't also dying of terminal cancer.

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Do you know the joke about the two guys who went to Paris ? Me neither.

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Why can't Jay cut his hair? Because he has AIDS

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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What do you call something you should prepare yourself for when having sex with a prostitute? A.I.D.S

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Why was six afraid of seven? Fishsticks

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Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: Banana! B: Not you again..(slams door)

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How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

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what's blue and white and red all over? -nothing the "red all over" part implies a contradiction to blue and white.

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Have you heard of Helen Keller's dog? No. Neither has she

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What did the school bully get for his birthday? Beaten by his alcoholic father. Children are a product of their environment and his father's abusive nature towards his son forced the young boy to act out in class giving him the reputation of a bully.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I just ding dong ditched you.

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why did Sarah fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock! who's there? not Sarah.

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what do giraffes have that other animals don't have? -baby giraffes

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Your d*ck is short, If we compare it to mine. That was it, Thank you for your time.

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What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot. *BOOM* Never mind, he was a terrorist.

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A bear walks into a bar. The building is evacuated swiftly but several people are killed

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What's red and spins real fast? Not a dead baby in a blender, babies can't fit in there. Unless of course you dismember them. but that's obsurd. . . Kinda

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26.5% of Americans are obese.

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Why did the pollock jump into the sea? A pollock is a fish.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 4 beers. The bartender replies, "One at a time, mate, will that work for you?" To which the man replies, "No", leaves, and drives his 1994 Toyota Corolla off of the road into the pit of a volcano.

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Q: What do you call an aligator in a vest A: Investigator

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What's worse than women's rights? Actually, not much, because women throughout history suffered for too long the hardships of over dominant male figures and deserve the freedoms they have achieved today.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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