A man walked into a bar. "Ouch"

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Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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Where do bananas come from? Mexico

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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Q: How did that man get two black eyes? A: He was born!

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What did one muffin in the oven say to the other muffin Nothing food doesn't talk

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What's 6 inches long, held in your hand, and has a round tip? A pencil you pervert.

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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I Wish... I was Charlie Sheen's Dealer

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Why do black people eat watermelon? It is a good source of vitamin C.

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I got 99 problems... and an indeterminate number of them are bitches.

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Why didn't little jimmy get anything for Christmas? He is Jewish.

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Ow, there's an arrow in my knee!

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What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? Nothing. They are both created in God's image and likeness so get your mind outta the gutter!

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Why did the man punch his wife? Because he was angry

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why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a terrorist -lschles

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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You're momma's so fat, she's got high cholesterol.

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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Q: why are kittens so cute? A: because god created them that way. go fourth and enjoy kittens.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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