- Anti Joke

What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

what is brown with wheels? a potatoe, i was just kidding about the wheels

How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

what did the girl trapped in the fire say? help

What did the little crippled boy get for his birthday? He's an orphan so he doesn't know his birthday.

America Votes

here's a joke a black man goes in a store and buy something

did you hear the one about the boyscout and his scoutmaster? They had a lovely relationship, and both went on to be role models.

you know what they say... hydrate or die

What happens when you turn back time? You get "emit."

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

what did micheal jackson give to a young boy? -nothing micheal jackson is dead

Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

What did one muffin in the oven say to the other muffin Nothing food doesn't talk

What has two legs and graduated from ninja school? Okyrin Sakajuru. He also went on to win two all city titles and roundhouse kick of the day, performed on a wild tiger. As time passes, he stops practicing and becomes a lethargic street criminal. He is eventually captured by local authorities and charged with the robberies and two counts of aggravated assault. Leaving his children behind to the system where they are neglected and depressed about their fathers situation. He makes bail after 3 months and opens a strip club for dwarfs but loses it all after not finding stripper poles that are dwarf friendly.

What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink? What was the Alzheimer patient favorite drink?

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

whats worse than finding 30 babies nailed to 30 trees? finding coal in your stocking at christmas.

Ask me how old my cat is. How old's your cat? I don't know.

what's blue and white and red all over? -nothing the "red all over" part implies a contradiction to blue and white.

What did the lawyer get for Christmas? More paper work

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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