How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? He showed no vital signs.

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"Ask me if I'm a billboard" "Are you a billboard?" "No"

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Burger King cashier: Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Man: I'm on team I'm freaking hungry; now give me my food!

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i was molested.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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Wanna hear a joke? Sure. Too bad I don't have one.

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a guy who can fly walks up a hill and jumps off a cliff. his flying power fails him and he dies on impact

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What happens when a japanese boy goes into a planet called Zypharecion which is 2000 light years away with 20% oxygen and 78% nitrogen and 2% of other earthly air elements and heats up a balloon enough that it explodes? He wont be at that planet because it does not exist and travelling at the speed of light has not been proven possible for humans.

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A blonde goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "That is a worrying symptom," says the doctor, who immediately recommends the woman for a thorough psychiatric assessment.

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What did the little crippled boy get for his birthday? He's an orphan so he doesn't know his birthday.

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What was the biggest turning point during Michael Vick's transformation from despised felon to MVP candidate? He stopped killing dogs.

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A guy and a girl had sex, it was casual.

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a Jew had a small nose

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your mama is so stupid i believe she will have a difficult time finding employment in these rough economic times

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how much wood could a wood chuck chuck? 3

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What's a bit smaller than the tallest man in the world? The 2nd tallest man in the world.

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Knock Knock. who's there? It's me. you need to be specific...

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What did the school bully get for his birthday? Beaten by his alcoholic father. Children are a product of their environment and his father's abusive nature towards his son forced the young boy to act out in class giving him the reputation of a bully.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Not Madeline McCann.

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What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? The lighbulb isn't also dying of terminal cancer.

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What do you get when you mix a dog and a cow blood everywhere

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Why is it hard to fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

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A man walked into a bar. "Ouch"

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming? Drowning.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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