What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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Whats red and you can't see it? No Tomatoes

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Why couldn't the old man play the piano? His arthritis caused him great pain.

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Your mom is so stupid that... She often makes mistakes.

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how much wood could a wood chuck chuck? 3

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a Jew had a small nose

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A mother and father heard their young son sobbing in his room, so they ran upstairs to see what the problem was. When they got to his room, they found the older son was dead and hanging from the ceiling. And the younger son was actually laughing, not crying.

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Whats red and cant fly a plane. An apple.

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(insert antijoke here

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Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office. The man proceeds to sexually accost his wife and children. The agent calls security who escort the family out and helps the wife find a domestic violence shelter to stay at.

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Q: What did the diddler say to the little boy? A: Can i touch you inappropriately?

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Whats the difference between a chicken? One of its legs are both the same.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Hey, where'd my tractor go?

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Why are you asleep? Because I'm tired.

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What happened to the boy who fell off the swing? He got hurt.

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whats annoying and black? black people

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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Bobby got a new bike there are black kids in bobby's neighborhood bobby doesnt have a new bike anymore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops