Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

thumb_up thumb_down +68

poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds? They're of legal age to give consent.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Two people on a boat, Pete and Repete. Pete fell off and Repete radioed the Coast Guard, who sadly got there just in time to watch him drown to his death.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: What did Micheal Jackson Say to the boys? A: He can't speak because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

japan4.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is big, red, and beats rocks? A big, red, rock beater.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What`s the best part about twenty-three year olds? there are twenty of them

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: How did Muhamid Ali ( casius clay ) get a black eye? A: He was born

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's worse than finding ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's black and white and red all over? And old fashioned television painted red.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

am i invited to party? no

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the tractor say to the cow? I'm a tractor, you're a cow, go figure.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why can't blondes change a lightbulb? Because they're women

thumb_up thumb_down -52

your moms fat. she's ugly too.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

What's 2+2? It's certainly not 1.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

What did the lawyer get for Christmas? More paper work

thumb_up thumb_down +83

What?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? This isn't a car

thumb_up thumb_down +47

It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the priest touch the little boy? To Baptise him.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops