I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

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Q. Where do snowmen keep their money? A. A snowman is an anthropomorphic snow sculpture made of frozen water. They therefore cannot earn, keep or have any use for money.

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What did George W. Bush say to his wife when he got home? I'm home.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor.

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Yo momma so fat she was baptized in a church, because she wasn't as fat as she is currently.

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Person A: Hey! Whats up? Person B: Suicide rates...

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Why did the man murder his wife in cold blood? Because she was alive before he killed her.

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How's a raven like a writing desk. you really are alice.

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What makes women so mystifying and beautiful? Tits.

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guess how...chicken pow! guess who...chicken poo! guess when...chicken pen! guess where...chicken hair! guess what...your adopted.

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A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ow, that really hurt."

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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What to you do when a monkey walks into your bar? Quietly escort it out and into the nearest zoo.

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Isn't it funny that we think it's totally normal for females to not have penises but for literally EVERY OTHER group of people, it's weird and not ok double standard?

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what does a blue watermelon and a cactus that looks like a penis have in common? orange ya glad i didn't say banana!

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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if you are what you eat then you're a hamburger

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What's 2+2? It's certainly not 1.

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Q:How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:Just Juan.

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What do you call a Mexican jumping fences? A really good athlete.

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What kind of party doesn't have cake? The Nazi Party.

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How do you kill a blonde woman? Stab her in the stomach so all the acidic contents of her stomach slowly burn her flesh.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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