I heard you like playing basketball at night. My ears are fully functional in comprehension of human language and therefore I am able to listen and remember words that are told by others.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm color blind.

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What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologize.

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why did the guy drop his umbrella........ because he was getting raped.

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how do you kill a bear. -you shoot it.

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Every 20 seconds, a child in africa starves to death... Every 30 seconds, an obese american teen stuffs their face with McDonalds

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

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Q: How did Muhamid Ali ( casius clay ) get a black eye? A: He was born

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A seal walks into a club...

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wanna hear a joke? katie chandler

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Q: Why did Megan Fox cross the road? A: Because she was running from a giant Decepticon!!! Why else!!!???

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whats green can fly and has legs? a plane i lied about the legs

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What's black, and hangs from trees in my backyard? Blackberries

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Just call the fire department, they're trained for that kind of stuff

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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What's worse than dying? Living in Africa

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Rose is Red Violet Blew Mustard is in Clue … What about Moni-… ahhh my eye!

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Why did the man murder his wife in cold blood? Because she was alive before he killed her.

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Why was the little Jewish girl sad? Because neo-Nazis killed her family.

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Your mom is so ugly, she buys groceries at the grocery store.

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How do you know when Taylor Swift is dead? When you don't hear Boyfriend songs anymore

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Why'd I have sex with your mom? I'm your father and I love your mother very much

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Q. Why did the friend say to the other friend "Your soo gay!" A. Because he was gay..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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