What did the adverb say to the noun? Hopefully whale.

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What did the prisoner receive on his 44th birthday? Well obviously all mail in prisons is checked, but nothing dangerous was found. He received a book on different types of steam engines (he is a railway fan), some chocolate (galaxy caramel, which is his favourite), a crossword challenge book (he gets bored in his cell) and the anti joke book.

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Why did the man murder his wife in cold blood? Because she was alive before he killed her.

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GIVE

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Roses are red Violets are blue I regurgitate doorknobs

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Why did the mammoth cross the road? For financial reasons.

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Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Cause he's dead.

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Why wouldn't the girl clean her room? She was paralyzed.

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How many dead children can you fit in a garbage can? Give me a knife and i will find out

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What happened when a myriad people decided to partake in a large party while staying in a small room? They managed to make a compromise. The party got split into two groups: 50% of the original total in each casual confinement. In the end, everybody had a great time and nobody got hurt.

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I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

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A mother and her kid are in a park: Kid: Why did the chicken go to jail? Mother: Because the chicken killed your father... Now we are broke living in a park and I'm gonna kill myself at noon, and so are you. Kid: I'm not doing that, and neither are you and Daddies over their! The dad is a zombie, this is the beginning of the zombie apocalypses. THE END!!! PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!

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Hey, I just met you and i am crazy, but? here's my room key let's make a baby.

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Your mother is so good in the kitchen that we all asked for a second helping.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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What do you get when you mix a dog and a cow blood everywhere

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What's black, and hangs from trees in my backyard? Blackberries

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What's worse than dying? Living in Africa

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Why did the black man work at a Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because he was fired from his job at a grocery store, and it was the only job he could find on short notice in the current job market.

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I heard you like playing basketball at night. My ears are fully functional in comprehension of human language and therefore I am able to listen and remember words that are told by others.

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What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologize.

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A straight black man walks into a gay bar.

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Why'd I have sex with your mom? I'm your father and I love your mother very much

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Why couldn't the Hispanic guy become a firefighter? Because the fire chief was racist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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