Michael J. Fox asked me if I wanted my drink shaken or stirred, did I really have a choice?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, Others don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why mommy upset cause wet and sticky make mommy upset

thumb_up thumb_down

What to you do when a monkey walks into your bar? Quietly escort it out and into the nearest zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is the difference between peanut butter andd jam! Jam is made from crushed fruit and gelatine while peanut butter is made from finely ground peanuts and is often sweetened with sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Just call the fire department, they're trained for that kind of stuff

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the adverb say to the noun? Hopefully whale.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Roses are gray violets are gray everything is gray because I'm color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Knock knock. Who's ther? Your friend Billy i've been shot and need help

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What did the japonese man say? Nothing that we can understand.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

What's worse than dying? Living in Africa

thumb_up thumb_down -64

A monkey enters a bar and climbs up on a stool. The bartender asks, "What'll ya have, pal?" The monkey, who can niether speak nor understand English, appears slightly perplexed.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Ask me if I'm a duck. Are you a duck? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Why didn't Hitler drink whiskey? Because it made him mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How are a duck and a tri-cycle the same? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

a

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why were the babies used for target practice? Hitler demanded the Nazis to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because him and his girlfriend were in a bad relationship and he needed to get away for a while.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did Dumbledore fall off the astronomy tower? Because Snape killed him.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops