Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Lady Gaga has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. What is it? A last name.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The Paralympics! Even if you win, you're still retarded!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What happens when you put a cat in an oven? Don't, because it will die.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats gay and has wheels? Alex Egbert, I lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What did the man on a business trip to Japan say to his wife on the phone? The nuclear reactor in the next city over is melting down as we speak. If I don't see you again, I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

A man runs into a bar, he is in a coma for 7 years and most likely going to die, of severe brain damage.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Why was the little Jewish girl sad? Because neo-Nazis killed her family.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

So a gay guy walks in a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind, get out." The gay says he will drink in the corner. Later, a construction worker walks into the bar. He says," Man, I'm so thirsty I could drink the sweat off a cows balls." The gay guy in the corners says," Mooooooooo."

thumb_up thumb_down +182

hey i just F****d u and this is crazy so delete the number and keep the baby

thumb_up thumb_down +116

You know you are from New York when you live in Manhattan.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

whats funny with two wheels? A kid falling off his bike

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What has feathers, and is known to fly? A bird

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting rape.d by a giant scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the alien discuss with the other alien? Something we discussed.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

a man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is slowly destroying his family

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the chicken cros the road? Becuase the all the cars were stopped at the near by red light.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

POOP FART BUTTS HAHAHA!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

The sons of modern psychology: COCAINE MOTHERF8CKERS! COMING OUT IN YOUR CINEMA RENTAL STORE YESTERDAY! Sold out. (yesterday)

thumb_up thumb_down

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. He might have trouble focusing, but his ADHD in no way prevents him from completing such a task.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the Black man drown? Because he could not and did not know how to swim. Because he could not afford the lessons to learn how to swim. Because he does not have the financial means to afford a lesson in swimming. Because he is of a low socio-economic level.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Guy 1: That's what she said! HAHAHA!!! Guy 2: That's what who said? Guy 1: I don't know. :/

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did Cody sit in the corner? Because his daddy didn't love him. #DaddyDoesn'tLoveYouAnymoreChair

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops