rosses are red violets are blue poems are hard alligator

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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What has feathers, and is known to fly? A bird

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Why did the elephant cross the river? CAUSE YOLO (even though he died)

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Arsonist: Hey, did you listen to my mixtape? ... It's really good.

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replied, "That's probably because you're schizophrenic."

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whats purple with fur?nothing mammals cannot have purple fur

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he had no arms.

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knock knock GO AWAY I'M IN THE SHOWER

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Why is six afraid of seven? Cuz the chicken crossed the road

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Why does Mike Tyson always win his fights? Because he hides in a refridgerator

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An American guy, Chinese guy, and Black guy are on a boat. Who jumps off first? Hopefully no one jumps off, especially because the ocean current is strong. They should call the coast guard if they are lost and find a safe way back to shore.

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who has brown eyes blonde hair and red lips a human-being

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Reporter: So, how do you feel knowing you don't have some place to work when you walk out of your house because of that tornado? Guy: "Well, it feels even worse knowing I don't have a house to walk out of. . ."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

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A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

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Q: what's black and white and red all over? A: someone getting murderd on a news paper

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have AIDS and now you do too!

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The Paralympics! Even if you win, you're still retarded!

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How is nothing something if it is nothing?...

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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A 14 year old walks into a bar. The bartender yells "Hey, no minors allowed!" The 14 year old yells back "Excuse me? Do you see a fvcking pickaxe?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops