I have no soul so I must consume yours

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Whenever anybody asks me to help me find something they lost, I say: "Look where it is and you will find it."

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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PATHETIC

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boobs

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

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What do you call a black man running down the street? A promising athlete in training.

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What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

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How do you a baby into a small bowl? Put it in the blender. How to u get it out? Tostitos.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into another apple and finding another worm.

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You know you are from New York when you live in Manhattan.

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You wanna hear a real joke? Well, look at the post below this one.

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why did the boy fall down? he was shot

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What happened to the guy that fell off the building? He hit the ground

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What do you get when you mix a racoon and a human. A Smoothie

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Why are asians so smart? Because they study very hard and learn the material.

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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What do you do when a bear chases you? Run.

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Word play, punch-line, joke.

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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