why couldn't the little girl play on the swing? Matty Russel was chasing her

thumb_up thumb_down -42

there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -54

So these two gay guys walk backwards into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Chuck Norris is a regular human being, just like the rest of us.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Why did the Turkey cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -118

What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

thumb_up thumb_down -170

Grammar ... the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see if he could beat the oncoming car.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you call someone who can't move their arms or their legs A quadriplegic

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the lady fat. She ate a lot of food.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted honey. Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to get to his house. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A violent biker gang walks into a bar to have a few drinks, the bar tender says "I'm sorry we can not serve you here." They then proceed to beat the man violently.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why couldn't the guy find his pants? Because his girlfriend stole them last night

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's brown and sticky? Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's brown and sticky? Poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: What did your mom say to your dad? A: Honey i want a divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

The Arrowtongue commands the road like a semi-truck. But the Gyrosprinter corners on a dime.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why'd the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops