roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?". The horse doesn't respond because it neither speaks nor understands English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you make a baby cry? Break its legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you kill a crackhead Put her in a shredder and put the remainings in your ex wifes refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why is the kid over-weighted? Because he had to many calories in his diegestive system and he couldn't burn the calories

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I saw a man lying on the floor. He ate too much cake.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? I can see your 'nuts'...

thumb_up thumb_down -45

A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

What do you call a black man running down the street? A promising athlete in training.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

A man walks into a bar. He's covered in Ash because the north tower just collapsed.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

why do bananas wear sunscreen? becuase they peel!

thumb_up thumb_down -103

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down -171

Knock, Knock Whose there? your friend Oh ok (opens the door) (it was not his friend but instead it was a giant panda who robbed him of his goods).

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

9/11/01 was a terrible day I got dirt on my suit when touring NY

thumb_up thumb_down +32

why did tom get HIV? He was raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey Why'd the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure Why'd the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? his girlfriend broke up with him so he commited suicide Why'd the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? cuz it was a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's 7+7? 14 you dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you get when you cross a blond with a plank of wood? A blond with a plank of wood on her head.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops