A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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when I shaved this morning....... hairs went down the sink

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A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

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Why is the kid over-weighted? Because he had to many calories in his diegestive system and he couldn't burn the calories

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Whenever anybody asks me to help me find something they lost, I say: "Look where it is and you will find it."

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Two Irish men walk into a bar, order a drink and sit down to enjoy the drink and friednly conversation.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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What does Megatron say when a video game takes forever to load? "You have failed me yet again, Start Screen!"

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Uh, "Abel", seriously get over here and then get some sleep, not only did you get the code all wrong, there is no number to be deciphered at all, besides its called a laptop with a battery. Speaking of general dumbass... You have not changed the least, you really remind me of a cruel, sloppy, less disciplined (except the wise cracking thing Nero resorted to to push me away and apparently dodge gun fire, maybe his way of handling nerves. You might look like him, but personality wise you are completely different, cruel, sloppy, graphical, I mean did you ever see Nero get angry? I never did. That said Neo-Nero, you are a nice guy too, especially if you get here fast enough, I mean this place is freezing.

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What do you call a man covered in magnets? Attractive

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the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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A Pole walks into a bar and gets annexed by Germany.

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Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Any number of chickens plus one person.

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What did Sarah Palin say as she gazed to the West? "I really wish my daughter hadn't gotten pregnant."

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What does this joke have in common with a ruphies party? They both have an unpopular punchline.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No? Neither has he!

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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How do you make a baby cry? Break its legs.

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If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

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Q: Why were the two elephants kicked off the beach? A: They were both level 4 sex offenders.

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What's brown and sticky? a stick

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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