A. Why did John survive the plane crash? B. Because he was master chief and he is awesom although cortana did not which John is sad about naturally.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

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My mother-in-law is so ugly I actually feel quite sorry for her.

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

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Advice from a pro: Don't be a faggot

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Uh, "Abel", seriously get over here and then get some sleep, not only did you get the code all wrong, there is no number to be deciphered at all, besides its called a laptop with a battery. Speaking of general dumbass... You have not changed the least, you really remind me of a cruel, sloppy, less disciplined (except the wise cracking thing Nero resorted to to push me away and apparently dodge gun fire, maybe his way of handling nerves. You might look like him, but personality wise you are completely different, cruel, sloppy, graphical, I mean did you ever see Nero get angry? I never did. That said Neo-Nero, you are a nice guy too, especially if you get here fast enough, I mean this place is freezing.

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What does Megatron say when a video game takes forever to load? "You have failed me yet again, Start Screen!"

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why couldn't the little girl play on the swing? Matty Russel was chasing her

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What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

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The Olympics

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Why was the Nazi killed? for crimes against Humanity

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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What do you call a Black pilot? A pilot! What else would you call him, racist!

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Who Hoo? You're a barn owl!

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How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

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I have no soul so I must consume yours

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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How are you this morning?

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I have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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