How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

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How do you spell dog? C-A-T!

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Whats the difference between an oven and a Jew? An oven is a manufactured and creates heat through the power of electricity or natural gas

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What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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Uh, "Abel", seriously get over here and then get some sleep, not only did you get the code all wrong, there is no number to be deciphered at all, besides its called a laptop with a battery. Speaking of general dumbass... You have not changed the least, you really remind me of a cruel, sloppy, less disciplined (except the wise cracking thing Nero resorted to to push me away and apparently dodge gun fire, maybe his way of handling nerves. You might look like him, but personality wise you are completely different, cruel, sloppy, graphical, I mean did you ever see Nero get angry? I never did. That said Neo-Nero, you are a nice guy too, especially if you get here fast enough, I mean this place is freezing.

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How many Jews died in the Holocaust? Not enough.

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the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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How do you a baby into a small bowl? Put it in the blender. How to u get it out? Tostitos.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She didn't pass her driving test.

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What's the difference between a joke and an anti-joke? I don't know man, but you touch yourself at night.

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Are you a tree? No.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No? Neither has he!

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Cuz the chicken crossed the road

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Whats 1+1? Well,According to John Willemain's Business Analysis: Problem Solving Using Calculus and Finite Mathematics it's 2.

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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