If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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How do you keep a blonde busy? The best way to keep somebody busy is to make sure they have something to do, like get a job or a hobby or do some chores. The color of their hair is irrelevant.

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Any number of chickens plus one person.

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey Why'd the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure Why'd the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? his girlfriend broke up with him so he commited suicide Why'd the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? cuz it was a dumbass

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No? Neither has he!

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What do you get when you cross a blond with a plank of wood? A blond with a plank of wood on her head.

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have adhd, OH A CHEESEPUFF

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What has wings but is often on the ground? An aircraft that has frequent take-off problems.

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Fat people.

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the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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Why did Sally drown? She wasn't wearing a life jacket and it was the the seventh time she had fallen off her water skis today. Her father was not coming back this time.

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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A Pole walks into a bar and gets annexed by Germany.

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1: Why did the chicken cross the road? 2: The chicken has a right to privacy, stop questioning what she does

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Well, she did.

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Why did the policeman arrest the black man? He had commited a crime and murdered somebody.

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Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

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A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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