Person 1: You have something on your head Person 2: What? Where? What is it? Person 1: Hair

thumb_up thumb_down +50

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down +48

You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Knock Knock! Hmm. I'm not expecting anyone. It's probably just a telemarketer, and I'm not very interested in purchasing anything at the moment. I won't answer it.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why couldn't the asian drive the car. He was underage and did not have his license yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did Nigel decide to lie and remain on the ground? He didn't. Somebody beat him ruthlessly and stole his wheelchair. Nigel has no legs by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the little girl get a new tricycle? To cope with her father's death

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red, However, they can also be other colours, such as white, pink or yellow.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what do you get when you combine fire and water? alcohol

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Bryce Harlan and I are close friends Love, Pete K

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving? The chauffer, they are both rich business men.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

So theres a priest, a rabbi, and an athiest on a cliff. They all remark at the beautiful view and take plenty of pictures with their respected families.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What would you if I slapped you in the face with a fish? Unless you are a push-over, it is likely that you would retaliate with anger.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your mams so fat that she has aids... and i gave it to her

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than finding a repeated joke on Anti-Joke? Your family being massacred in front of your eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's red and round? A red and round solid.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin says "oh my god were going to die!" The other says "Holy shit a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do you make a doctor upset? Teabag his dying mother

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Roses are red violets are blue i heart my toilet Becuase it holds all my POO!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +113

How many dead lions can feed a bluejay? Bluejays don't eat dead or living lions, so this is highly improbable.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Moves Like AJgger- Marron 5

thumb_up thumb_down +77

whats long black, eight inches and sometimes has white on the tips of them? a black mans foot the wears an eight inch shoe.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops