Roses are red, violets are blue Most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A dog walked into a bar. The bartender barked at the dog and the dog replied with, "I don't speak dog language."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Don't you just hate it when sentences don't end how you think they TESTACLES

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There was a Mexican, a Chinese, and an American on a plane. The Mexican threw down a sack of beans, the Chinese threw down a sack of rice, and the American threw down a bomb. The plane landed. When the three passengers stepped out of the plane, they were hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what do you do when a baby screams? shake it.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats the easiest way to solve problems in Haiti? Nuke them.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

boobs

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have short-term memory loss. And roses are red.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A black man and a Mexican fall off a cliff, who dies first? They both die from hitting sharp rocks at the bottom crushing their skulls, so it doesn't matter its just really sad.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A horse walks into a bar and the bartenders says, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because horses do not comprehend English. He then becomes startled by his surroundings and bolts out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats funny about a car crash? If a bowl of soup is talking.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did Batman say to Robin before they get into the Batmobile? -Come on Robin, get into the Batmobile!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

It's a bird! No it's a plane! No you idiots, it's only a cloud.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did Nigel decide to lie and remain on the ground? He didn't. Somebody beat him ruthlessly and stole his wheelchair. Nigel has no legs by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mama's so old that typical places of business grant her the senior citizen discount.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How does a spider write its diary entries every night? With a pen.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mams so fat that she has aids... and i gave it to her

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops