Ask me if I'm a flower. Are you a flower? No.

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What did Scooby Doo say to Shaggy? Raggy

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves when he realizes he is supposed to be at a business meeting

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Why wasn't the bat nocturnal? It was dead.

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Did you see Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Don't worry, he didn't either

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor? -Cody Williams

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways and there was no traffic.

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You're a wizard Harry! I am?

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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Q: Whats worse than the death of flappy bird? A: The holocaust.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

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You should periodically review the most up-to-date version of the Terms of Service. Oh you.

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whats red and can fall on you blood from a hunted duck.

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An elephant and a llama walk into a bar. Realizing that they must have broken out of the local zoo, all of the people run out of the bar screaming.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?" then one of the costumers calls the health inspector and he shuts the place down because its not sanitary to have dirty horses in bars.

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An irish man calls a black man a nigger. The offended black man then proceeds to ravenously beat the Irish man's head into a nearby curb.

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Hide him under your coat.

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A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

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Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

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Jews...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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