How do you become thinner in a week? Stand in front of a Bulldozer.

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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There was a Mexican, a Chinese, and an American on a plane. The Mexican threw down a sack of beans, the Chinese threw down a sack of rice, and the American threw down a bomb. The plane landed. When the three passengers stepped out of the plane, they were hungry.

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How does a black guy who murdered his wife get out of jail? He serves his sentence and is allowed to return back home.

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Where does a homeless person live? No where

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What did Darth Vader say when he spilled his drink? Darth Vader is a fictional character and is not a part of humanity.

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Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

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How do you confuse a blonde? You ask her a question.

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I was in the middle of downloading a porno of two hot girls getting it on, my computer got a virus and crashed.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he happened to be walking in that general direction.

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A man walks into a bar and asks "Where is your bathroom?" He is directed towards the restroom, where he then covers himself in toilet paper and calls himself a moose.

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An Asian child flunks a test.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Yeah neither did she.

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What did the poor sickly orphan get for Christmas? Nothing.

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Knock-Knock who's there? Artichoke Artichoke who? Your friend Artie choked on a ham sandwich, and I'm sorry to inform you that he didn't survive.

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What's better than ice cream? Anal sex

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Penis.

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What Happends When Sawdust Gets in your mouth You poop logs

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Why did the Black man cross the street? To get to the other side.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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4 is half the number 8 is.

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue Bitches Like U Belong In The Zoo

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What do you get when you sunflower? Vegan turtles.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had heard from a mutual friend that his ex-girlfriend, who he had recently broken up with, would be present at the same party and to avoid an awkward encounter he chose not to go.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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