A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Q: What do you call a guy that likes men? A: Gay.

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A young girl falls off a swing, she is paralysed from the neck down and unable to walk every agian.

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What's brown, liquid and bad for your health in large doses? Did you guess: Coca Cola? Soda? Beer? Pepsi? Wrong. It's beer. Did this Anti-joke sound pretentious? Don't worry, you're not the only one.

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Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? No.

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Those days where everything goes wrong, and you think to yourself "I just gotta do whats right here"... ...Sigh... 2. DO YOU KNOW WHY I HATE YOU SO MUCH? BECAUSE I HATE YOU! (Blame is on me, love and hate are not opposites, send me a copy of your book, and ill rip it out for you)

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Why didn't the boy get any presents for christmas? There is no Santa Claus.

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Izzy and Zayn Malick got married. Then Zayn asked for a divorce due to their age difference..

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What Happends When Sawdust Gets in your mouth You poop logs

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What do you call a black man from Germany? A Germ.

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What's tastier than a dead baby? An orphaned dead baby.

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How do you make a plumber stop sagging? Tickle his crack

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Who has the biggest cock A rooster

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Did you hear about the speed reader on top of the Twin towers? 90 stories 5 seconds.

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What's green and fuzzy and would hurt a lot if it fell out of a tree and hit you? A pool table

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Whats worse than dying? Nothing, really.

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what did the cat say when he walked into a room full of dogs? Get meowt of here!

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What is a wok? A wok is sumting you twow at wabbits.

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Why did the Koala Fall out of the tree, It was Dead

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A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. There's a massive earthquake and the bar collapses to the ground, killing everyone inside.

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What do you call an arab with a shemagh on his head and a gun A man who is concerned for his wellbeing and family

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Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’ ‘No, your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.

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Paige

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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