Izzy and Zayn Malick got married. Then Zayn asked for a divorce due to their age difference..

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why does a squid have 8 legs? It doesn't, it has 8 tentacles!

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How do you fit 100 babies in a bucket? put them in a blender. How do you get them out? potato chips.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q) You know how I know your gay A) Cuz your gay

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whats white and cant climb a fence? a fridge

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I am an orphan I have no parents

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This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

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Why did Charlie Sheen laugh at the TV? Because there happened to be a comedy on.

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The King stands next to a pole. The King goes away, the pole stays there.

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Whats green has four legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree. Pool Table.....

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Get me a sandwich, bitch

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why did the black guy win a gold medal in the olympics? hard work, dedication and determanation! what no one else can be bothered to do anymore because of all this new technology and stuff!! get of your arse and do something active. NOW!

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What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

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Test

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69

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That was SOOOOO funny that I laughed!!!!!

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Why did the boy eat his bagel? He was hungry.

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to drown a dog and was quite successful at it. Know she serves a death sentence.

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What is 6 plus 9? 15.

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A man walks into a 1980's style restaurant he takes a seat and orders his meal.

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What's the square root of four? Two.

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What do you get when you cross and unicorn with a loaf of bread? Cantaloupe

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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