What Does Alex J Simpsons Face have in Common with his hand? Spaghetti

thumb_up thumb_down +17

You should really respect vegetables more. They rock. They're all like... AAAHH!!!... and I'm all like... DUDE! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY RANDOM!... and seriously, you should respect da veggies!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +7

LeBron James hits a game winning three with time running out in the Finals.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

hey

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's brown and sticky? A penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: Why were the two elephants kicked off the beach? A: They were both level 4 sex offenders.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How does a black guy who murdered his wife get out of jail? He serves his sentence and is allowed to return back home.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you get when you sunflower? Vegan turtles.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the two fire men say to each other whilst a house was burning? Well be better put that fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Why did Charlie Sheen laugh at the TV? Because there happened to be a comedy on.

thumb_up thumb_down -137

A man walks into a bar and asks "Where is your bathroom?" He is directed towards the restroom, where he then covers himself in toilet paper and calls himself a moose.

thumb_up thumb_down -151

What do you call a black man that goes to college? A student..

thumb_up thumb_down +46

a black man and a squirrel get hit on two different roads what's the difference? well for starters theyre two different species. a squirrel is much smaller than a human and has his own mark on society. the man will be missed dearly by his family and if the impact with the car wasnt bad, he may have a chance to make it out alive at the hospital. the squirrel however is not so lucky. it will be left to die on the street or would have died on impact already with sadly no squirrel hospital to tend to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What did the cow get for Christmas? A tree

thumb_up thumb_down +34

BALL SO HARD... That I got kicked off the team for intentionally fouling other players whenever I got on the court, I'm sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What does a turtle do on its back? NOTHING!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the man start crying? Because he lost his job.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock Knock Who's there? It's me Ok, come in (the knockers voice was familiar enough that giving a name would have been out of place)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is round and will hurt you if you step on it? The sun

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's tastier than a dead baby? An orphaned dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops