did u hear about evan porter going out with his computer of course not because u haven't read this joke yet

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What has two heads and one body Conjoined twins

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Q:Why couldn't the baby walk down the hall way? A: It had a javelin stuck in its head.

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roses are brown, violets are brown, who the hell sh** on my garden?

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why did the stupid blonde run straight into oncoming traffic? because there was a small child there that could have been seriously injured.

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What happen to the boy who poured water on his head? He got wet.

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A Jew walks into a bar. He sits down for about half an hour, enjoys some drinks and calls a taxi to take him home.

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What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.

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di you hear about the man that got his whole left side cut off? no well he died

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Vagina-Boob

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How do you know if it's to late to turn your homework in? When the time allotted is up.

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Q: What do you call a plane with no wings? A: An unfinished plane.

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What is green and red all over? The Hulk's Penis in a blender

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What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? While Beethoven enjoyed many different varieties of fruit, he found strawberries the most appealing.

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If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this site... I would have quite a few dollars. I would't be rich, but I'd have enough money to pay for me and three friends to go see a movie. So I'm talking like $40-$55, give or take. However, do keep in mind that that cost does not include the purchase of any popcorn/food/beverages.

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Wanna hear a joke about a germ? Sorry I don't want to spread it! -LEts Go Mets!

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

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What is next?

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I do not like the fact that you are linked with the feds.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, cus feminists can't change shit.

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What do you call a watermelon in Africa? A watermelon.

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Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

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What's funnier than somebody spitting in someone else's food? It's not even funny, it's just plain rude and disgusting.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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