How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

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A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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What is funnier than 9 black fellas dead in a trashbin? 1 black fella dead in 9 trashbins.

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What does the Jewish man and the Atheist have in common? They both believe in a god. Except the Atheist.

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A man was walking on the sidewalk until he saw a bird. He said, "Is that a bird?", and it was a bird.

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A man walks into a bar. We see him as he approaches the register wearing a dark hoody. The surveillance camera seen here catches a glimpse of the man's face appearing to be a white male with mustache and beard. As you can see the man opens the register and takes the money before the bartender can get to him. If you have any information about this crime please call crime stoppers at 1-800-GET-HELP. In other news, the DOW JONES reached a record high today as investors in China begin working on keeping the economy from plundering.

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When the clock strikes the bell at elephantasourous during my erectionn i screw myself CC

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im a selling a car

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Why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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-When is a door not a door? -Never

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What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.

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What do you call a man who has no heart? Dead

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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What is the best school in Victoria? Lyndale.

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Hey, we're both lawyers.

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What color was the fence before it was painted green? Not green.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, cus feminists can't change shit.

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What do you call a group of black people? You don't You call the cops first.

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How did Ronald McDonald die? He was hit by a big mac

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Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

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where do you get virgin wool from? ugly sheep.

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Why did Johnny buy the strawberry ice cream? Because when he gets the chocolate he vomits and bleeds out of his asshole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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