What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man was building a new kitchen for his wife. Just as he was installing the sink, his wife comes running into the kitchen and starts cursing. "What's the matter?" he asks. "Don't you like the new sink?" His wife replies, "I love it. But come quick, there's a spider in the living room!" The man walks over with a paper towel, grabs the spider, and throws it into the garbage. The wife looks at the husband, smiling, and says, "Thanks."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why the girl fell from the swing? cause she had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the blind man commit suicide? Cause his wife was so ugly he went blind and become depressed a shot himself...twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

That didn't hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why was Timmy sad?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the man fall over? he had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's the difference between your dog and your mother? Your dog doesn't think you're a disgrace to the family

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the child step on a ball?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman. Why couldn't hellen Keller have fun at the zoo? She was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why wasnt the chicken able to cross the road? Because it was disabled

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How many penguins does it take to cover a dog house? Purple, because the Ice cream has no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What does your girlfriend eat every morning that is white, warm and sticky? Oatmeal

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How are Steve Jobs and The iPhone the same? They got progressively thinner over time.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued. His attackers then stabbed him. He later died from his injuries.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

I have no ideas.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why do Jews make sure their cars can stop on a dime? So if something happens unexpectedly when they are driving they have a better chance of avoiding a dangerous collision.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's brown and sticky? Poo

thumb_up thumb_down +28

69 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *goes crazy and shoots himself*

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Knock, Knock. Who's there? The wind. The wind who? ...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call a former pope. Dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q. What's better than a breadmaker? A. A sandwhich.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did george washington say before he and his troops crossed the delaware river? We are going to cross the delaware river. R...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops