Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding, he can't walk.

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A man was drinking vodka at his friends party. He got a headache. He told his friend, and his friend said that there was asprin in the cabinet. The man ate some. He died. He was stabbed from behind, and the blade pierced his lungs.

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Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. That would never happen because penguins would not be anywhere near a bath-tub at any point in their lives, I would be more concerned wondering why a penguin is in the US and calling animal control than making up a joke about it.

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Why couldnt i think of an anti-joke? cuz i was too high and a fly distracted me

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What's the difference between a black guy and a picnic table? Many things, really. Beginning with simple structural features such as the number of legs, of which there happen to be four on a generic picnic table, and two on a human being. One might observe that a typical african american male is between 5'8" and 6'2" in total length, whereas a picnic table, being made to support 6-8 people will generally be slightly longer. A black guy will generally be pictured standing upright. A picnic table is usually horizontally laid out upon a flat surface. The former is living or dead, the latter is usually nonliving, processed wood or metal. The former may move about from day to day of its own accord, the latter is completely stationary, and indeed very difficult to relocate, etc.

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How do you leave a gay guy in suspense? How? ......................

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What's green and goes 100 miles an hour? a green racing car

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What do you do when the dishwasher is broken? Fix it, call a repair man, call the landlord, do the dishes by hand or don't do them at all... your options are endless.

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Knock Knock.... Knock Knock.... Knock Knock.... I guess no ones home.

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Did you hear about the boy who got an AM radio? It took him a month to realize that he can play it at night too.

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What's the difference between a wire fence and a wooden fence? You can't see through a wooden fence

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Why did the bunny eat his food

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Whats lemon scented and you shouldn't drink? Bleach

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How does a blind bit of difference differ from one that can see?

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Waiter, waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Sorry about that sir, we will replace your order and make your meal complementary.

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How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

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What did the deaf guy say to the other deaf guy? What?

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What's the same between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Popsicle!

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The ability to beleive it's butter. Oh shit, wrong site

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Yo' momma's so fat, she has an increased risk of cardiovascula disease and may die.

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How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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