A guy is taking a pee in the ocean and a fish swims up and drinks the pee. The fish says "thanks for the lemonade."

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How do you put 100 babys in a bucket? A blender

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did u hear about evan porter going out with his computer of course not because u haven't read this joke yet

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Say, "Wake up!"

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roses are brown, violets are brown, who the hell sh** on my garden?

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Why was the puppy sad? It was burning alive

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*you're

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he had more fat than average, so he was very buoyant

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di you hear about the man that got his whole left side cut off? no well he died

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Whats worse than finding a jew in your bed. Jake skellern

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How did the dead baby cross the road? stapled to the chickens foot.

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Vagina-Boob

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If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this site... I would have quite a few dollars. I would't be rich, but I'd have enough money to pay for me and three friends to go see a movie. So I'm talking like $40-$55, give or take. However, do keep in mind that that cost does not include the purchase of any popcorn/food/beverages.

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why did the stupid blonde run straight into oncoming traffic? because there was a small child there that could have been seriously injured.

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, help! My hair is falling out! I need something to keep it in!" The doctor says, "sure. Here's some medicine."

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That maternal figure of yours is of such inadequate intelligence that she cannot fathom that, given a scatterplot with a linear correlation of greater than -1 and lesser than 1 and a reasonably consistent rise over run, a future value along the y-axis can be predicted if following the y=a(x)+b equation.

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what happened after 9/11?? 9/12.

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What's black and white and red all over? A mime that got hit by a train

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Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

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If you're doing a maths test, what type of pickles are best when licking a baseball bat? Sasquatch

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Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

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A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

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What do you call a man who has no heart? Dead

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Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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