When the clock strikes the bell at elephantasourous during my erectionn i screw myself CC

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Adam gives a new view of roid rage

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

JESUS SAYS PICTURE HERE ..... Throws a party for 12 people the world still talks about 2012 years latter !

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? None because they don't believe in technology.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding an apple in your worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was Johnny crying? Because... Because... Because... Because... Because... Because of the wonderful things he does.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the tree cross the road? A woman crashed into it.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats really hot the sun

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? No particular reason. It probably wasn't even aware the the ground it was crossing is what's termed as a road.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats the different between a black man and white man...... the different levels melanin in the skin that results in pigment

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, cus feminists can't change shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I used to be an adventurer like you. Then i took an arrow to the knee.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the cannibal eat for Christmas. Your Mom!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A drunk man walks out of a bar, goes home and abuses his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

omg this doesn't work 1.hold breath for 5 minutes 2.die it doesn't work cause you would just knock yourself unconconsiuse and your body will start breathing for you again until you wake up

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you piss off a female archeologist? Kill her dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? It had the utmost desire to.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops