Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

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How do you piss off a female archeologist? Kill her dog.

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This is "Eliza" holy shit! I almost gave up and went to a party assuming you guys had simply skipped the reply. Please tell me nothing of this is written in code, because I have no fucking idea how to decipher it... ...To think that so few consider Nero a hero for all that he has done, and so many have come to hate him and still follow his advice basically abusing him. I told my sister to use mom`s cellphone to call and warn as many as possible, telling them to spread the word, is Nero7 Going to make it? He mentioned a barfight starting over nothing during new years eve. I know that some of the members where planning to use his own teachings in order to overthrow him, I warned him but he was fully aware already but did nothing for some reason. Yet none of them have the assets to do anything like this... Should I start calling all those members that left during Nero7`s "sudden paranoia period?" Many of them have political authority and can be of help if we can somehow convince them. Respond Asap, and if Nero7 is in a public hospital, then get him the hell out of there, he is an exposed target for anyone, if he gets killed, ill fucking kill you you hear me!

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What's red, loose, and easy to wear? A rock. I lie about everything.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Its just a bulge I swear its not a bomb

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The horse said "nay."

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How do you stop your baby from crawling into your room? Shove a spear through its head.

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What do you call a Mexican from Cancun? A cholo.

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Wanna hear an oxymoron? Jews for Jesus.

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Once upon a time there was a girl who was going out with a boy 2 years older tan her. He was 16 and she was 14. Does it make him a pedo? cause everyone says he is.

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A man got a promotion at work. Now he makes more money.

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whats sad about three black men driving off a cliff in a cadillac? a cadillac seats five.

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Q: What do you call a Mexican who gets his car stolen. A: Pablo

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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Whats fat, brown and on the ground? A chubby indian kid

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What's flatter than a pancake? The baby I just ran over.

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A man walks into a bar. He hit his head so hard that he went into a coma.

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What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, he just waved.

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An abortionist secretly fancies himself pro life, with reservations. Overwhelmed, and utterly fed up, with the burden of carrying on the family business, he aborts himself. Although he was only 46, his frail mother was nevertheless proud of his decision to succeed where she had failed 46 years ealier.

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Why did the Vietnemese prostitute ask for the phone? Because she wanted to use the phone.

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my computer crashed because i never quit... out of anything

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- Mother, where's my bread? - It's in the living room.

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Why did the boy go to heaven? He was in an airplane.

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What happens when Brittany Spears is hungry? She goes to taco bell for food

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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