What do you call a dead black guy? A TERRIBLE CRIME

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What do you call a wine-o? A Alco-colic.

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Why does Susie fall off the swing? I shot her in the head with a pistol.

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Why was the puppy sad? It was burning alive

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I scream! You scream! - You've Just Been Rapped

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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What do you get when you cross corn with more corn? A devestating force that will make you live on a rowboat and perform demeaning puppet shows you will not Even enyoy!!!!

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, help! My hair is falling out! I need something to keep it in!" The doctor says, "sure. Here's some medicine."

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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? He doesn't keep it. His lifespan is too short to make significant compound intrest.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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What is green and red all over? The Hulk's Penis in a blender

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A blonde read the newspaper the other day and she saw "Sarah Piplin-laid by 5000 men" She reported it to the owner of the company as I felt it was not appropriate for a family newspaper. The person at the other end of the line asked the blonde, "are you blonde?" "Yes, how do you know?" she replied. "Because it says Sahara Pipeline, you idiot!"

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. He then created the water, the sky, land, sea creatures, land creatures and humans. He rested.

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Hey, we're both lawyers.

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What do you call a man who has no heart? Dead

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Why couldn't the duck get his driver's license? Well, it was a duck and as far as we're concerned they don't have thumbs or arms and are therefore incapable of driving.

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Why'd the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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where do you get virgin wool from? ugly sheep.

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whats really hot the sun

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A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

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Teacher- "Sally Sue, a sentence that starts with I, please."\ Sally Sue- "I is..." Teacher- "no, no, Sally Sue, when you start with I, you must follow it with am." Sally Sue- "I am the 9th letter of the alphebet."

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I do not like the fact that you are linked with the feds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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