Steve Jobs didn't die. He went to go set up iCLOUD.

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Q: What did the casual mathematician discover at the end of his vivid rainbow of dreams (Question mark- key`s screwed) A: Enough dirt to fill 3141592+ treasure chests to the brim.

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One time, I ate 3 chipotle burritos....after a tennis match

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I used to fit trough doors, but then I got tall... I used to play with other babies, but then I got tall... (daradadadadan) I used to look up to you, but then I got tall (OH YEAH!) but then I got tall, but then I got tall, but then I got tall! Moral: Censorship should be illegal.

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Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A: "E"

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Yep, super duper stressed, all of the time, but how did you know?

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Yo momma so thin, she admitted herself into an in-patient counseling center for anorexic and bulimic patients.

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I asked the librarian for a book on suicide. She said "I'm sorry we don't have those in stock." So I just hung myself.

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When does 1=17? How many schizophrenics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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A woman comes at the doctor.

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Did you know, that every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes?

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A man orders 3,687 bricks. He gets 3,688 bricks delivered to him. He throws the extra brick in the air. Ok, so a man is smoking a cigar by a woman with a small poodle. They are both in a plane. The woman asks the man if he could get rid of the cigar because the smoke is making her dog turn green. The man refuses. In anger, she throws the cigar out of the window. The man gets angry and throws the poodle out the window. What lands in the poodles mouth when it's falling? The brick.

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how do u get a nun pregnant? dress her up as an alter boy

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Whats Black and hangs from a tree? A Tire(:

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Who has downs this joke

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A recently engaged couple are having sex. The man finishes in just under 3 minutes as usual. The woman then says "I love you" because they've been together for over 2 years and they care for each other very deeply.

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A man walks to a bar. He drinks too much and dies. His family is informed later that evening.

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What do you call a fat jew? A person that most likely has an eating problem and needs to seek help from the nearest rabbi

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How many apples fit in a garbage bag? I actually don't know. I was asking you.

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What do you say to a man who just gave you a million dollars. thank you

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A shark walks into a bar and the bartender says Why the bloody face? The shark replies by saying my wife beat me with a stick. Considering that sharks cant talk, the bartender ends up going to the doctor to see if he may be dillousinal.

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That joke was so funny that I fell off my dinosaur. Then afterwards had to be put in a rehabilitation center because I am schizophrenic and dinosaurs are extinct.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? One if part of the four main food groups, and one is not.

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What's easier to get than a broke prostitute on the side of the street? Osama Bin Laden.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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