A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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My friends are like trampolines I have none

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What is the most common cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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What's worse than hearing another Holocaust anti-joke? The Holocaust.

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anti jokes are like dogs They both rhyme with Maths

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Don't go to the last anti-joke page, they're all terrible or repeated I hope this isn't one of them

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is dead.

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What did the cannibal eat for Christmas. Your Mom!

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What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

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Obama enters a KKK meeting Obama: Oh sorry I thought this was the Kentucky Fried Chicken... the font was so small so... as he starts backing off scared... KKK: leader, of course Mr.President, feel free to come again anytime! Moral: Kings Knocking Ketchup is actually a nice place if you not unlike me enjoy ketchup...

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue you have hemroids

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How can you confuse a blonde? Give her a calculus worksheet that she hasn't learned how to do.

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What do you call a pregnant girl? Your Ex

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According to standard table etiquette what is rude when someone passes you the salt? Jamming a fork in their eye

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

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Question: How many rocks does it take to make a pancake? Answer: Tree.

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what is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? one has to deal with a butt

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What is funnier than 9 black fellas dead in a trashbin? 1 black fella dead in 9 trashbins.

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Why did Jimmy fail his math test? Because he had a mental disability

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You poker face.

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A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there?" A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there!?" A: Knock knock knock B: "God dammit who's there!?" A: "Penny?"

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I have alzheimers but atleast I don't have alzheimers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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