The burgler walked into the house. Nobody noticed the initial intrusion. The burgler quickly left. The family of which was stolen from woke up the next day and enjoyed a hearty breakfast of grains, oats, and barley without a worry on anyone's mind.

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I used to walk in front of archers, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

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What's worse than crying over spilt milk? The Holocaust.

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What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A person with light, yellowish hair who has a tragic genetic deformity.

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what do you call an overweight 80 year old white man trying to be a pimp ? Mr.Fredrickson

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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Roses are red, violets are red, daffodils are yellow, and pansies are pink.

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How can you tell if a Mexican's gay? Ask politely.

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How many nails does it take to build a house? As many as it takes to get the job done.

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What did the finger say to the thumb? Nothing, fingers can't talk.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

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How can you tell your woman is cheating on you? When you witness her having sexual relations with another man that she is clearly enjoying.

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Why did the black guy go to jail, because he did illegal stuff.

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there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

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Why couldn't JImmy walk to school? A:Jimmy is in a wheelchair.

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Why couldn't the boy play catch with his dad? His Dad is dead.

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A black man, an Asian man, and a white man are stranded in the wilderness after their plane crashed. The black man has a flashlight, the Asian a bottle of water, and the white man a can of beans. They put their racial differences aside to increase chance of survival but were eaten by a pack of coyotes.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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Whats worse than getting mugged? Getting mugged twice.

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There are two fish in a bathtub. One turns to the other and says "Could you please pass the soap?" The other one says "What do I look like to you, a typewriter?"

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Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Probably right where you left him, since animals with no appendages have no way of mobility

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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