Q: what would george washington be doing if he were alive right now? A: screaming in his grave

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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-Knock knock -Go away -*Breaks door and shoots*

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Mary had a little lamb, the doctor fainted.

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If I lock you in a room and let a snake in under the door, what do you get? A problem.

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Has anyone told you, you look fat today?" "Because you don't.

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A patient walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replies, "I have no interest in whether or not you feel like purchasing items to spruce up your home."

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I scream! You scream! - You've Just Been Rapped

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Dr. Dick Howard Long visits a friend in England. Arriving at his friend's house, he knocked at the door. A butler then lets him in and asks, "Sir, would you like to wait while the Master bathes?" The doctor then replies, "Sure thing, I'll wait until he's done."

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Robocop and T-800 where fighting, first the T-800 manages to injure Robocop critically, but Robocop manages to repair himself and break T-800`s legs off, which T-800 suddenly regrows due to an unexpected upgrade. After several hours of combat, where civilians are injured and half the town is destroyed they where both worn out, but ready for one last struggle... ...Eventually there was a great celebration for whoever won.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Holy ****, I'm in heaven.

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women leaving the kitchen

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What do you call a bicycle that likes threesomes. A tricycle

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whats pale and white your ass.

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Why Was a guy wearing Pink pants? Because He Was Gay.

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What wears a white robe and shines? A special boar.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

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Why was the black man shot, He resisted against a highly political challenger. Unfortunately for him the Armenian politician was not a very nice guy.

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A Muslim get's on a plain. He is heading to Spain, and has a lovely time.

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Chuck norris eats nails for breakfast. This is most likely the cause of his bleeding stomach and acid reflux.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blood is red also Nothing else is blue

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How many girls does it take to sell out a Justin Beiber concert? None, all of them are boys.

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Q: What do starving children in Africa eat? A: Nothing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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