What's black, white, and red all over? White on black homicide.

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say iphone 5 times then look under your pillow ...nothings there

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I am a dog

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What did the wise old widow across the street get for Hanukkah? Cardiac Arrest.

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What do you call a needle with two points? A two headed needle.

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Timmy stop making noises while mommy is working. I have to finish these TPS reports or else my boss will be very mad at me and we won't have Christmas again.

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a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

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First kid: my name is bob second kid: ok First kid: Now tell me what my name is?? second kid: bob First kid: HOW did you know???

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John:Why couldn't the T-Rex clay his hands? Billy:Because his arms are too small! John:no he's extinct dumbass

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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A man was building a new kitchen for his wife. Just as he was installing the sink, his wife comes running into the kitchen and starts cursing. "What's the matter?" he asks. "Don't you like the new sink?" His wife replies, "I love it. But come quick, there's a spider in the living room!" The man walks over with a paper towel, grabs the spider, and throws it into the garbage. The wife looks at the husband, smiling, and says, "Thanks."

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1, 2, buckle my shoe. 3, 4, shut the door. 5, 6, I'm gonna to cut you in your sleep.

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What's the difference between an old quarter and a new penny? 24 cents

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What do you call a man with three arms and three legs and no nose. A highly unlikely instance that no one would believe is real.

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I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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What is brown and sticky?

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what is funnier then a man with AIDS? -nearly anything as AIDS is a serious medical condition and could be potentially lethal

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

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Roses are blue, Roses are red. Give me your money, Or I'll cut off your head.

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What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a cheese grader? How the hell should i know?

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What happened to the latino and asian man in math class when they had a test? They both recieved exceptional scores as they both helped each other study the night before.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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