While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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How do you find the population of Mexico? You take a census count by mail and/or a door to door questionnaire.

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What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and one in the evening? A dog that plays in traffic all day.

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What is a question?

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what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

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What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

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Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

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Knock Knock. Who's there? UPS.

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Why was the Black man Running? Because he was trying to get in shape for the Olympics.

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why didn't the black kid make the basketball team? He has cancer.

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What did the racist wife give to her black husband on their anniversary? Golf clubs because he liked to golf.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? No, the Krusty Krab is a fictional place, and therefore does not exist.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

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A really hot girl walks past 2 guys and the following conversation is produced... Guy1:damn! look at that ass! Guy2:yep I bet shit comes from that thing! When's the last time she had diarrhea?!

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Why couldn't the women drive? She was dead

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Photoshop

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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Whats worse than HIV? AIDS

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What sucks?

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Knock, Knock. Come in.

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Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

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Hellen Keller

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Why did the chicken cross the road? As this question does not provide neccesary information, a plausible answer cannot be found.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops