What's gay and gay? Joe

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Cheese on toast.

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why did i go on the rollercoaster? because there was a muffin on it

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Pirate ships are used by pirates.

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What is brown, smells like shit and on fire? A muslim after the bomb vest malfuctioned!

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96

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What is black and white and green and red and purple and orange and magenta and brown and yellow all at the same time? Can you tell me? Cause I've got no clue.

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The procrastinators association meeting has been postponed. - Anonymous

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if u dislike this u r most likely depressed

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Some people are like Slinkies: they get really boring after a while.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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American Idol

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Icecream

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obama is a good president

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch? Names

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Why did the blind man drown? Because he couldn't swim.

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How do you make a girl happy then sad within 5 seconds? Buy her a pony and then shoot it

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second says “I’ll have some H2O too.” Then he dies.

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The glass is half an hour.

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Knock knock Who's there? Gung chee Gung chee who? That's my full name.

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. I'm calling the police.

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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

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Knock knock.* Who is it? The police. We have news that your daughter was molested and will never been seen again for the man who stole her has takin' her out of our jurisdiction.

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What's (333x4)-198+(456x100,432)-10+5? Bet ya said i don't know! I don't either.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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