One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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What do you call a black Arnold Schwarzenegger? Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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You say you can read me like a book, well the jokes on you. I am not a book.

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How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head under water.

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If you can dodge a traffic, that probably has little or no relation to how well you can dodge a ball.

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Roses are red, violets are blue ive got a gun so get in the van!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms or legs. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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How do you keep children off your front lawn? You molest them.

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OK, A plane carrying 200 passengers crashes on the border between America and Canada. Which side of the border do you bury the victims? Well, it would depend on where the passengers where from or what they had stipulated in their living will. I suppose some would be cremated which opens up a whole other can of worms entirely.

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There once was a rich man who owned a really big mansion, he's a very organised man and likes routine, every day at 6.30pm he goes for an hour long jog. One day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his mansion is on fire and he can see a little orange man running away in the distance. But he thinks nothing of it. The man has lost a lot of money, but can still afford to move into a slighty smaller, yet still very large house. The next day he goes out for his jog and when he gets back his big house is on fire and again, he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it, but has now lost even more money, and has to move into a regular size house. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his house is on fire and again he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it and has lost even more money. He is really gutted by this point and now has to move into a single bedroom flat. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his flat is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He still thinks nothing of it and has now lost all his money, and has to move into a cardboard box under a bridge. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his cardboard box is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He is sick of this and decides to chase the little orange man. When he catches him he tackles him to the ground, turns him over and asks.. did you burn down my mansion, my big house, my average sized house, my flat, and my box? The little orange man replies no.

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Whats a good source of iron? A piece of iron.

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A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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two guys are waiting at a train station...6 hours later one guy turns to the other and says "train aint coming"

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Q: What did Stevie Wonder eat for dinner last night? A: Something consumable

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why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, you tell me.

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Women Drivers.

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What did the sexually promiscuous man get for Christmas? AIDS.

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Why did the white comedian get booed off stage? Because his jokes were humorless and offensive.

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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

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Why did the British person go to the dentist? He had a poor diet which led to him getting cavities

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A seal walks into a club.

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Woman: If you were my husband, I've give you poisoned wine. Winston Churchill: Madame, if you were my wife, I would hope we could have enough love to attempt marriage counseling so as to work out these issues.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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