Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

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roses are red, violets are purple, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. ------ Knock Knock Whose there? Not Suzie

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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Why did the McCann's parent's leave the window's and doors open? Because Portugal is a very hot climate, And they expected the place they were staying to be safe as lot's of tourist's stay there throughout the year.

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What do you get if you convict a white man of murder? A black man in prison.

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Why can't black people swim? Because there are sharks in the lake.

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what did the apple say to the orange? :nothing because an apple is not a human organism nor an orange therefore they can not speak....

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I got 99 problems, and most of them involve my terminal illness.

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Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. After being told politely that Big Macs were served at McDonald's and not Burger King, he walked out and drove to the nearest McDonald's.

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Fun Fact: If you lay out all of the veins in your body out, You will die

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because her dad pushed her too hard -Knock knock -Who's there? -Suzie, I'm dead now with a knife through my neck and I'm ready to kill you since you didn't forward that chain letter, now hold still so I can chop off your toes one by one and peel your skin off then leave a bloody mess for your parents -k

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Knock Knock? Who's There? Sgt Constable Ian. Sgt Constable Ian Who? It's Sgt Constable Ian - I'm here to see you about your alleged rape charges.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Pennsylvania? He woke up...

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What's the difference between a grape and a duck? They're both purple, apart from the duck.

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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So a blonde a, a red head, and a brunette crash land on an island, they all died within a week...

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops