"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

james hedge is gay did you know if you look at him you turn gay

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How does a bird grow gills if you're riding a peanut. A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

CJISTHEBEST Sticks and stones may break my bones because i have osteoperosis.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats worse than getting hit in the face with an axe? Getting hit in the face with two axes.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit him with an ax

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I'm a wise old man, so I'm aloud to touch you in the bathing suit area.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

i hate it when people repeat the same jokes. i just hate it when people repeat the same jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q. Why did the blonde die drinking milk? A. she was shot in the head by a 22.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I had a terrible childhood. My mom abandoned me before I was born.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is E.T. short For? So he can fit on ship

thumb_up thumb_down -12

My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's funny? Nick Sotelo

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What happens when a chicken with a goat have sex? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q. what is your favorite food? A. Chicken, burritos, sandwich, rice, hot dog, turkey, duck, carrot, broccoli, eggplant, apple, blueberry, pear, raspberry, blackberry, orange, grapes fries, chips, cheese, pretzels, worms, and candy canes.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what is the difference between the dead baby and the sandwich? i don't put my penis into the sandwich before i eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops