If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

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What's brown and sticky? "A stick?" No, poo.

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So an alien walks into a bar......... and everyone runs away secreaming because theres an alien in the bar.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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What did the Rabbi say when the Priest asked how his family was? The Rabbi breaks into tears as he explains his family was killed in the Holocaust.

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Q: What did the blind boy get for his birthday? A: He doesn't know

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A tall German man and a short Ukrainian woman walk into a pub and sit down for a drink. The German, not wanting to seem rude, asks the Ukrainian how her day has been. The Ukrainian smiles confusedly as she doesn't understand German.

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Knock knock. Get out!!

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why couldn't the black man get a job? Because he was a violent sociopath with a criminal record.

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What is 1 + 1 equal to? 2, because if you have one orange and if you add another orange, you will have 2 oranges, therefore 1 plus 1 is 2.

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what is 3+3= 8

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Q. Why are most jews unemployed? A. They all got fired.

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What is the coefficient of friction's favourite band? MU-se. What does the coefficient of friction go to see at weekends? MU-seums. What is the coefficient of friction's favourite hobby? Masturbating violently with a noose around his neck.

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What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

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Why did the woman get into a car accident? She was blind.

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Yo Momma is so fat, she often chooses to take the elevator instead of the stairs.

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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Why did the black man jump high? He was on a pogo stick

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Roses are red violets are blue monkeys like you belong in the zoo but don't be afraid I'll be there to that in the cage but laughing at you

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Roses are Red Lemons are Sour Pull Down Your Pants And Give Me an Hour

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

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what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops