Roses are red. Violets are blue. Bend Over.

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Patient: "So what seems to be the problem doc? Doctor: "I'm afraid you have AIDS. I'm sorry."

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That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

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No soup for you!

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Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It thought they were playing follow the leader. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the little girl fall off her tricycle? She was hit by three monkeys and a refrigerator.

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Why do the man leave his tv on? He was murdered while he was watching tv

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A man in a wheelchair walked into a bar. No he didn't.

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What do you call a house big enough to fit all the poor people in America? A fairly large establishment without quality standards.

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what ddo you call someone that has a small dick benjamin

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I once duped this chick with a parrot. Crazy thing wouldn't shut up. The parrot was pretty cool

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Why the moron throw the clock out the window? Because he was a moron.

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Scientists have discovered that the state of your hunger can affect what you say. For example, whether you choose to say ‘I’m hungry,’ or, ‘I’m not hungry,’ is based upon how hungry you are.

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What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in a bin? Finding one is missing.

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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What is my cats favorite college? Harvard

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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What do you do when your baby won't stop crying. Slit its throat

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Why did Julie fall off a swing? 'Cause she had no hands. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Julie, that's certain.

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Why the long face? My face isn't long, it's the same shape as everyone else, retard. I meant why are you sad. I'm not sad.

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What did the rugby post say to the tree? Good evening George!

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what's the difference between a duck? one leg's the same.

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

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What did Al gore say after he sold his TV Station to Arab Oil Money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. CHA-CHING!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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