Why did the priest touch the little boy? To Baptise him.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

read down and see what it is like BEFOR MARRIAGE boy:at last.i can hardly wait! girl:do you want to leave me? boy:NO! dont even think about it! girl:do you love me? boy:ofcourse! always girl:have you ever cheated on me? boy:NO! why are you even asking? girl:will you kiss me ? boy:every chance i get! girl:will you hit me ? boy:hell no! are you crazy ? girl:can i trust you? boy:yes! girl:darling!! read up again and see what it is like AFTER MARRIAGE (L.W)

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. Knock knock? Whos there? the Chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

do you know a really good joke? i don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Rich people gave money to charity Charity gave money to the homeless The homeless spent the money on drugs

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How are a bucket and a purple shovel alike? Coincidentally they both are registered sex offenders.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I am not under the alkafluence of inkahlol. The drunker I am, the longer I get.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I told a woman to make me at turkey sandwich. Of course she complied seeing as I was at Subway.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. "Who's there?" The cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you make a man sad? By drowning him in a Bede.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you get when you cross a blonde with Nickelodon? You get Dora because she is allways telling you what to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the taxi driver kill the blond? He didn't. It's illegal to murder people in most countries.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Lame Anti Jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the rainbow sun say to the flower-faced elephant? "Want some tea and hamsters?" I'm addicted to acid.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I once looked at a hedge that had the same colour leaves as all of the other hedges in that particular area.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Roses are gray violets are gray everything is gray because I'm color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What happened to the blind man who went skydiving? Nothing but the dog was unlucky.The dog kept squirming and he thought he hadnt gone down the cliff yet and said "ok fine dont come with me!".The dog didnt survive. :'(

thumb_up thumb_down -45

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

What happened to the prisoner who dropped the soap while in the shower with other men? Another prisoner picked up and gave it to him and finished showering and felt squeaky clean.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Why couldn't the morbidly obese lady order a cheeseburger? A: Because it wasn't on the menu

thumb_up thumb_down +104

How do you kill a blonde woman? Stab her in the stomach so all the acidic contents of her stomach slowly burn her flesh.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

if a bra is called a over the shoulder boulder holder what is male underware called sincerly, under the butt nut hut

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What do you call 2 midgets and a pencil rolling down a hill? Satan

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops