William came home from school and was very tired. He went to the kitchen and got a chocolate bar. Then he died.

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how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if it can reach 2 if it's high.One to screw in the bulb the other to hold the ladder.

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I am not under the alkafluence of inkahlol. The drunker I am, the longer I get.

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Johnny has 30 pints of ice cream. He eats 25 pints. What does Johnny have? Diabetes. Johnny has diabetes.

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Why did the boy cry? Because he was mercilessly beaten by his mother.

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What did the tractor say to the cow? I'm a tractor, you're a cow, go figure.

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A bear walks into a bar. The building is evacuated swiftly but several people are killed

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im gay because im gay

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how do you wake lady gaga up? you hit her in the face with a frying pan

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YO MOMMA SO FAT... that it is really beginning to be an issue.

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Knock, Knock. Come in.

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Wanna here a joke? Womens rights

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Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? What? No? I'm here to inform you that your child won't be coming out of that coma, I'm sorry.

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Knock knock Who's there? Yolanda I do not know anyone by that name. I am sorry Oh I must be at the wrong house. My apologies. Oh, it's alright. Have a nice day You too. Take care!

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Your moma's so fat, she's got type 2 diabetes

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So there's this boy who really love clowns. His room is adorned with circus and clown posters and his one dream is to go to a circus and see a clown. One day he sees an ad in the newspaper for a circus that was headed toward his town. He begged and pleaded to his parents to let him go, and when they finally agreed he was ecstatic. The boy was in awe of all the things that the circus held, elephants, lions, tightrope walkers and trapeze artists, but there was nothing he was more excited for then the main show with the clowns. He took a seat and out came the clown on a unicycle. The boy was having the time of his life, when the clown suddenly called for someone from the audience. The boy immediately ran to the center of the stage. The clown asked the boy "Are you a horse's head?" then held the mic to the boy. "No," he replied. "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" The crowd erupted in laughter and the boy was mortified. He ran out of the circus tent and vowed never to return. He grew up with a hatred for clowns and even had to see multiple therapists. 30 years passed and the boy was now a man. The man looked in his morning paper, only to see that a circus was in town. He decided he would visit one last time. There it was, the elephants and tightrope walkers. And then he saw it, the same clown from 30 years ago in the same show. He walked up and the clown asked the same questions. "Are you a horse's head?" "No." "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" Then man the took the microphone from the clown and said, "Screw you clown."

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

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make me a sandwich!

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*Tell your listener to say knock knock* B: Knock knock A: Who's there? B: *awkward silence

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Never mail in your wishes to a genie, he may be dyslexic.

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How many eco-friendly people does it take to change a lightbulb? Nobody knows because fluorescent lightbulbs last 6 to 12 years longer than an incandescent lightbulb.

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What do you call two men riding a bicycle.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Zebras.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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