What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

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The prefix "con" means bad. The prefix "pro" means good. So what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? neither has he

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whats worse than a friend asking you if their ugly, telling them to look in the mirror.

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Why wasn't the clown funny? He didn't have a face

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blargen fa-diddle nachen!

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what can you say about a midget dressed as a clown? he had a terrible childhood.

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Why did the mushroom go to the party? Cause he was invited.

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What do you get when you cross a pug and a beagle? A cross pug and a cross beagle.

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masturbating on a tarc bus

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Hey could I ask you a question? Yes Thanks

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Why was Rebecca Black beaten with a pole when she sang Friday? It was Saturday

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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In that case you are probably a bit of an outcast as most girls of your beauty are, you know, you are that kind of girl that feels weird because when she got/gets on the buss EVERYONE stares at her, but nobody dares to say anything, right? And when you are hanging out for a drink or something guys stare at you, and go like "nah" which means "Nah she is too good to want me" and starts hitting on your friends instead. Oh and you also get a lot of rude comments from guys "auto disqualifying themselves" like using complements they know will backfire like "Hey wanna fuck sugart1ts? They do this so they can go home with their ego intact thinking "Hey I was tough enough to hit on her, but she turned out to be a bitch! So does any of this sound familiar?

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Yo mama looks so much like a cardboard box, my kindergarten class graduated.

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what is worse than falling off a bridge? .. getting pushed off a bridge

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your mum

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The last person on Earth is sitting home alone when suddenly there is a knock at the door. Knock knock Who's there? *silence* Damn this joke got creepy...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was getting chased by nazis.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. The chicken was run over by a truck before he could get to the other side

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Last time I heard that I dropped my i-phone

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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An English man, Irish man and a Scotsman walk into a bar. And have a wonderful evening of multicultural entertainment and fun together.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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