COME HERE, POTTER!!!! NOW!!! Instead of agreeing to approach the source of the rather hostile summoning, Potter decided to sit down and eat a healthy vegetarian lunch of sausages and chips.

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So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.

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what did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? My illness prevents me from achieving erection.

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So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street. They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.

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News of the day - David gives back 2 pounds to someone. The police, as he stole from a old nana to pay for a toothbrush

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What's the difference between a black man and a gorilla? One is a black man and the other is a gorilla.

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what did the plane say to the trade center on 9/11 boom

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Q: What do you do if A bunch Of black Guys Are raping a white Girl A: Throw A Basketball at them.

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What do Grant and Lee have in common? They're both black males

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your entire family died in a car accident

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alert("The Game");

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He then proceeds to ask his wife not to leave her clothing around the house.

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what happened to the polish man that was running late for work he got their late apparantly

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Gordon Brown smiles.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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How many people does it take to kill the president? A number

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What's worse than reading? A lot, but there are too many things to name

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whats the king of the forest, is the color brown and is red all over? A deer or someone's soon to be dinner.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a sprite. Everyone in the bar looks and him funny and then laughs. He then tells them, "I would rather satisfy myself with a cool lemon-lime drink than put the poisonous toxins of alchohol into my blood stream."

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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