a man walks into a bar he got hurt

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. Humanity is no more. Nature reclaims the Earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the peanut butter say to the jelly?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Why did the Jew run across the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What happen when you put a Ciara and a Charlie together? They have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what's funnier than 1 Mecican? 2 Mexicans

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many carrots can you fit in a truck Depends who's driving

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why cant stephen hawking dance He does not enjoy dancing

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the black person say to the tall man with nice shoes? Nice shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Two Girls One Cup

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why was a small girl found dead in the town park? Because Sallie was a bitch and deserved to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did everyone at school think that Susan was so hot? They set her on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How do you make a blonde scream? Set her on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke. It's not that, my wife and son were just killed in a drunk driving accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How did the woman get pregnant? She was thrown into a pool filled with semen.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats black,White and Asian? everything we are all equal

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the sheriff call the death of a black man who was shot 14 times? -The worst case of suicide he'd ever seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What have in common a recently born baby and a quadriplegic blonde person? Both have legs but they cant walk

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the black man put in jail? Because he escaped.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops