What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

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If life gives you lemons, you shoud be thankful it didn't give you AIDS.

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Q. Why did the man die? A. Natural Causes

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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What happened to the black jew? He went to college and died in a plane crash.

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Why didnt the deer move out of the street when the guy yelled at it? Because deer are a very sensitive species you should try asking politely next time.

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knock knock who's there? A worm, your dead in a coffin.

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in china a dog was being cooked on the grill he was seasoned ans eaten by a black man

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Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

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knock knock who's there Berry Joe Berry Joe who? I just told you, Berry Joe. oh.

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Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk.

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What happens if you fall of a cliff You die

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh damn I'm blind.

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Calling your penis a chose because it's small and fat.

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Man: Doctor, everything I touch hurts. Doctor: Okay. Let's test it out by first touching your leg. Man: It hurts. Doctor: What about your arm? Man: It hurts as much. Doctor: What about your back? Man: It still hurts. Doctor: I see......your fingers are broken.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Jesus. Jesus who? You're going to hell.

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What does a dyslexic person do on sundays? Goes to church to pray to Dog

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Why did the stop sign run a red light? Because it couldn't see its face...

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Moose A: What do you call a moose with diapers on its head? Moose B: Me.

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Why was the picture so dark? Because it was night time and there were no light fixtures located anywhere near where the photo was taken.

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Why are pigs smelly ? Because a cucumber can't walk.

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God, you know after creating humanity and kinda regretting it and stuff, fell into drinking and betting. He found Sin a fellow poker player, and all was good. Until God, drinking a bit too much bet a bit too many of his creds: Son. Jesus: Yes father. God: Uh, I kinda ended up low on cash on the poker game last night and I kinda well... I am gonna be frank here, I bet you and lost. NeroMetal Not dissing the bible, just enjoying the always brighter side of life eh? ;)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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