Q. How is a monkey like a tricycle? A. They both have handlebars... except for the monkey.

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Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

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Why couldn't the black man swim? He has no legs.

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimers, Bus....

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No, you think faster smarter and harder than everyone I know, you change and adapt faster for each day, sometimes I just think one has to stop asking oneself what makes one happy, and simply choose to be happy.

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A man walks into a bar and says he has a talking dog. He is then taken to a mental hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

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What did Jesus REAREAREAREVENAGNCEREALLY SAY when he was walkin on da waterz? And I bless this object which shalth now be known as the surfboard, Amen. Seriously, im a Christian, that sounds kinda cute in a weird way... Like aww, thats why he walked on water, not because of terrifying super powers.

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies A live one eating its way out!

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What's the difference between a baby and a textbook? You throw a textbook at the wall with TWO hands.

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Two nuns in a bath, one nun says to the other "wears the soap?" the other confused replies "I am sure you mean 'where' is the soap" and hands her the soap.

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Roses are red Tulips are blue Wait, no sorry That's violets.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.

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Your such a whore, you most likely cut your own clothes so people will see more of your body that they find physically attractive and make a partner for sex easier to obtain

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There was a Jewish man and a German man why was it akward? Because one of them farted

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Q: How do you kill a Brazilian Blind Electric Ray? A: Killing endangered species is a crime.

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Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

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Q: What happens when the Hydro goes out? A: The Hydro goes out.

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cried when I cut up the onion.

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Why is a cookie like a jellyfish? Because it has no bones. (Contributed by my 4-year old boy)

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How did the blonde die? She got swallowed whole by a 1,000-foot scorpion.

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Potato.

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Child Prostitution.

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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