My wife came up to me and said, "I want you to make me scream with 2 fingers!" So I poked her in the eyes!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do you call a cow? A cow

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Microwave

thumb_up thumb_down -2

knock knock?? whos there?? Not yo cheese because i already ate it

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A horse walks into a bar. The impact fractures his skull immediately, knocking him unconscious. He then dies from the resulting brain damage.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

What's black, white, black, white, black, white, and red? A horse with it's heard chopped off.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Haikus are awesome but sometimes they don't make sense hippopotamus

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I had a great joke to tell you. I didn't want people stealing my ideas so I didn't write it. Haha

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the fat man do when someone told him he was fat? He kept eating, for he was deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

There was a 4-car accident in Mexico today. 87 people died.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How many pieces of gum are in 5 gum? 5. i meen 7

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's funnier than a joke book? 2 joke books.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

how do you kill 1000 Ethiopians? throw a mars bar off a cliff!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why did the chicken cross the road? Ok

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: Why can't Eric drive a car? A: Because Eric is a rock

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the best thing about life? whatever the best thing about life happens to be!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the three blind mice say to the priest? I'm blind :(

thumb_up thumb_down +15

lewis=cardiac

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the mouse flying? Because an Owl picked it up, carried it to a tree and ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

A horse walked into a bar and ordered a drink. It was nothing out of the ordinary because the Everett-Wheeler interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct and he lived in a parallel universe in which the roles of humans and horses are reversed.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops