your mama is so fat, she sat on the ipod touch and made the ipad.

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Q: What do sleeping pills and coffee have in common? A: Absolutely nothing

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Those that want what is best for me, shall listen to me and do only whatever I want. Those that want ONLY what is best for me, underestimate me greatly. You who stand in the way if my will, claiming you want what is best for me, better move aside.

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How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? None they're dead

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What did the blonde say to the brunette? I just ate a chicken panini.

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Have you heard the one of the two headed man an the horse? Neither have I

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What's the difference between a freezer and a baby? A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

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So this guy and his monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your mothers a whore.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being ripped apart by an angry orangatang because orangatangs have the strength of ten men.

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what happened when the chicken crossed the road? it didn't the hunter shot it

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what do you get when you you put a knife in a head? a dead body

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yo mamas so old she probably ralises the greater risk of breast cancer in middle age women.

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Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face. The horse unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

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What did the kid with no arms get for his birthday? A sock puppet.

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What's black, white and sings the intro theme song for "Thomas the Tank Engine" while tap-dancing? There probably isn't anything that does that.

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what comes in a can ? Beans Where do beans come from ? Cans

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your mommas so stupid she has trouble doing things an average person would manage easily

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How many jews does it take to- I have alzheimers

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.. And IDGAF!

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When Josh moran was born he was thrown up in the air three times and was caught twice.

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? Love and attention from his parents.

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why is the sky blue? because your mother blocked your computer to meatspin.com

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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Why don't birds cry when they get hurt, lose a loved one, or watch opera? How the f*** should I know.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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