- Anti Joke

What's green and red and goes a hundred miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

How do you get an Asian man to build you a computer? Pay him a reasonable amount of money

If you give a mouse a cookie... you're destroying their natural diet.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

A man walks into a bar, and he says, "ow,".

Whats worse than jizzing while your on a date? Shitting in you pants while your on a date.

Why did the black man jump off of a bridge? -He was in depression and comitted suicide.

Q: Why did the Asian man get fired from his job? A: He sexually assaulted his co-workers

Ask me if I'm a kangaroo Are you a Kangaroo? No….

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, All you HATERS of Bieber, Go sick your mother.

Why didn't the black man pay child support? He had no children.

Tyler is a downer and is always negative to everybody

A dyslexic blind man walks into the bartender behind the bra

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? Almost everything.

A clown a hockey player and a...........what the heck that's all I got.

what's white and goes up? a retarded snowflake

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

A Cheerio is at Cheerio high school, and there is another Cheerio that he wants to ask to the prom, but she is a frosted Cheerio and because of Cheerio social statuses she would not go with him. So he goes to the Cheerio factory so he can become a frosted Cheerio. The factory workers tell him that he can be a frosted Cheerio, but the machines are malfunctioning today and they can only frost half of him. He agrees, and the girl Cheerio goes to the prom with him. He shows up at the prom with her, and she asks him to get her some punch. So, he's walking around, looking for the punch line, when he realizes: There isn't any.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 452

why was there a fish in a fish tank ? because if it wasnt it would die

A man calls customer service. A man in India helps him with his problem.

Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

God is the English name given to a singular being in theistic and deistic religions who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism. He (I use the term 'He' as it is the most common conception) is said to be omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent. I highly doubt he will give you lemons.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops