Why'd the dead man cross the road? He didn't, he was dead, therefore incapable of doing anything at all.

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If life throws you lemons, get under some shelter so you don't get pelted by flying fruit and worry about making lemonade later.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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How much fun does a gay guy have? A butt load.

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If I were in a room with you, Hitler, Stalin, and Palin, and I had a gun with 3 bullets in it, I would drop that gun and run as fast as I could from that room. Sorry, I hate you!

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Robert Mugabe.

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What's the difference between men and coca-cola? I don't like coca-cola

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Roses are grey Violets are gray Tulips are grey Lilly's are grey Dandelions are grey Daisy's are grey Daffodils are grey I am colour blind.

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wat is the name of a girl u can play connect the dots on her face laurie pisciotta

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Why did the Muslim man get on a plane? Because he was going on vacation

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kieran scott peels his off his foreskin while he watches hentai porn then he eats it afterwards, he is also on roids

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Two Irish men walk into a bar, order a drink and sit down to enjoy the drink and friednly conversation.

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What do you put in a toaster? Bread, or sometimes a small penis.

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If you don't get this joke, you're gay.

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A woman walks into the kitchen to make a sandwich because she is hungry and she likes sandwiches.

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Patient: Doctor, do I have cancer? Doctor: Yes. Patient: Will I live? Doctor: No. Patient: So what do I do? Doctor: SUCK IT UP!!!

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What Did The Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor.... "Wheres My Tractor"

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it's weird how Jesus came out of the cave on the same day as Easter

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Row row row your boat Right to KFC Put some kool-aid in your cup And toast to you and me

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John: Spell IT Mike: Q-U-A-D-R-A-M-E-C-H-A-N-I-C-S

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Whats green and smells like ass? My ass. I lied about the green..

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What did jesus REALLY say while walking on water? "I really hope I find a nice patch of sand to swim in."

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How do you confuse a Blondel? Tell her there's a demon in her liver

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How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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